Your being chased by a giant hotdog

Here's my plan: I continue to run to build up the sweat on my body as the hulking sausage hops down the street, leaving large craters in the road. As soon as I am nice and sweaty enough, I go into a handstand and launch myself high in the air. The Hotdog should become confused at this point as I come hurtling down towards it. I spread my cheeks, and use my sweat as a natural lubricant. I absorb the weiner in my cavernous a**hole, taking it all in. As soon as it is completely absorbed, I shut my cheeks thus suffocating it. Once it has been there for a good thirty minutes, I shit it out, and feed the homeless with the Hot Dog carcass because I am a good citizen who helps the needy. MFW