Wow, talk about a deep existential crisis. Been there before. Just try not to dwell on it okay? Once you do, it will completely screw your head over.

Also, I just push people away often, I'm just scared I guess, I've been hurt and left by many of my friends and I don't want it happening more so I stray away from even making friends anymore.

Wow. You're social skills are worse then mine. But I can kind of relate to you. I don't know who my real dad is either. Apparently at the time when I was really little, a baby still, my mom left my real dad because he had a drug addiction and didn't care to take care of me. My mom raised me by herself until I was probably around four. Just loke your step dad. Though you're step dad has probably taken care of you for a lot longer than three years. Anyways the point is you need to stick up for yourself. If you simply say things -doesn't matter what it is- you're bound to find someone who likes you enough to be your friend. Stay positive, like I've told many people on here. Negative thoughts can only make things worse. Not better. I've for quite awhile now thought that life was pointless for me. Not because I was neglected but because I'm called so many shitty names and always told how stupid I am at home by my dad. As long as no one's treating you like shit at home you're mostly good. You're mom may have issues but that doesn't need to bother you. Getting away from someone like her is what's best until she realizes the bad that she's doing to you guys. Stubborn people don't usually change though. If you look at a post of mine from early (the really long one) you'll understand why. I wish you well out there friend.

I apologize i haven't replied, thank you man. I'm doing pretty good as of today. Thanks for the kind words.