I know a lot have people have been disheartened by the lack of attention to Destiny's many shortfalls but it turns out the Devs heard our calls and have added a ton of hidden buffs with the new EV-30 Tumbler! Here's a list, feel free to add any I missed:
1) [b]More vault space![/b] Store and equip the sparrow in your vault 3 times and your vault space will increase to a size that can actually hold your arsenal of exotic and legendary weapons.
2) [b]Fixed Atheon glitches![/b] Tired of getting wiped by raid glitches like faulty teleports from atheon or praetorians regenerating health? Just summon your sparrow during the atheon fight and ram it into him at full speed to undo all raid glitches.
3) [b]Un-Nerf your guns![/b] Tired of your Thorn/Bad Juju/Mtyhoclast/Super Good Advice being terrible weapons? Just summon your sparrow, shoot at it with those weapons and the bullets will ricochet back into the guns and buff them so they're actually worth using.
4) [b]No more server issues![/b] If you're constantly facing disconnects and random network errors that can only be compared to random animals you never gave a shit about, you're in luck! Just equip your sparrow and go to orbit while mounted and head straight to tower within 60 seconds. When you arrive you should still be on your sparrow. Now all you have to do is drive it over to the speaker and boost it right into his ass and you will be placed in stable servers that don't blame your internet connection for their problem.
5) [b]Diverse bounties![/b] Tired of doing the same shit over and over again? Do the sparrow trick from before but this time launch it off of the tower and land in the city below where you will find a new bounty board! These bounties are actually dynamic and will change day to day. They include new missions like defeating minibosses or doing random strike missions with different damage modifiers and rewards can include crafting materials like spinmetal/spirit bloom etc....
6) [b]Sparrow races![/b] Take your tumber into the center cliff in the Hellmouth with a group of friends to begin a sparrow race across random checkpoints on the moon. Bets can be placed for up to 2000 glimmer.
7) [b]Respect for Xbox One users![/b] Tired of getting shafted on Xbox 1? You're in luck! There is a glitch that will trick your game into making the Dev's think your Xbox One is actually a PS4 so you get the same amount and quality of gear/gameplay for your money as your PS4 counterparts. This one is complicated.... Begin a Phogoth strike but keep your sparrow equipped at all times (either jump off and on to shoot or bring friends to help). Once you're at Phogoth, drive to the lower platform and boost off the map. It's going to look like you'll fall to your death but don't worry, just keep boosting! Once you exit the platform you are going to fall onto the rocks below, Keep Boosting! Ahead of you will be a giant tunnel with a light at the end, when you reach the light you have to KEEP BOOSTING! Once you pass through you will be ejected into space and begin orbiting the moon... [i]KEEP BOOSTING[/i]... As you begin circling the moon you will start picking up speed and eventually obtain Mach 10... [b]KEEP BOOSTING[/b]... Eventually you will leave Moon's orbit and end up back at the tower with full access to all of the Destiny exotics and expansion strikes you paid for.
Thanks for focusing on what matters bungie!
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Trollolol