First, use a dull butter knife to cut your victim's Achilles tendon, that way, he can't run. Then brew a pot of coffee. Take said coffee, and proceed to pour it into their eyes. Then take a wire brush, and comb his face with it. THEN, take a phone charger and cut off circulation to his hands until they are good and black (that way you know they are non functional) Proceed to smashing his burnt scratched face in the oven door until unconsciousness. Tie him up with rope/duct tape. Wait until he wakes up, then pour drain-o and antifreeze down his throat. Tape his mouth shut, and watch the fun. Pop mentos in his mouth in case he hasn't brushed in a while. The end.