JavaScript is required to use Bungie.net

Service Alert
Destiny 2 will receive an update tomorrow. Players will be required to log in to Destiny 2 again after installing the update. Please stay tuned to @BungieHelp for updates.

OffTopic

Surf a Flood of random discussion.

This thread is inspired by another: view original post

Edited by Explodingpiglets: 3/15/2014 10:00:08 PM
22

The PAX Disaster 15: Mr. Psychologist.

(If you would like to be on the notification list, please let me know.) "Who the hell are you?" Jane demanded as she held her sword up. "Forgive me, I did not mean to startle you. Allow me to introduce myself." the man said, as he strutted back and forth, gesturing with his hands. "My whole life I have been fascinated by the emotional and subjective interactions of all sentient races. It is my duty to understand everybody and everything, and help them overcome their personal demons. Helping others help themselves is what I do, it is what I live for, it is what I will die doing." he stopped, turned toward the party rather dramatically, and pushed up his glasses. "I am Mr. Psychologist and I am here to help you." "What can you do to aid us? Throw your briefcase at the enemy?" Jane mocked bitterly. Mr. Psychologist smiled and said "If our enemy has suffered a trauma that gave him or her a deep-rooted fear of briefcases, I may do that. But right now, I see a broken group of friends who need my help." Jane growled, "I don't know how you got here, but the last thing we need is some human shrink." "Jane....or Kiala, or whatever. Stay back from him. " Camnator interrupted, he wiped his nose, his cheeks still red, but his eyes saw something the others could not. "He has been corrupted. His aura is the same as the others." Immediately Jane lunged at Mr. Psychologist and swung, but he evaded with precision. "Please, stop! I am not your enemy!!!" He said. "I only desire to help you UGH!" Vien had thrown his energy blade, impaling Dr. Psychologist right through the chest. The shrink shuttered in agony and began to pull out the sword as jane began to press a few buttons on her wrist. The insect-like robot scurried off her armor and scuttled towards him as she prepared the mute. "WAIT!" he gasped, "YES I'VE...BEEN CHANGED! But I do not want to hurt you! Please give me a chance!" Jane halted the drone and stared in astonishment. "I have never heard any of the bane's corrupted beg for mercy before." "Yes...I've been changed" Dr. Psycologist began again, "I am no longer a wannabe shrink, a casual user on a gaming website who wears the title of a psychologist. This "bane" as you call it,has given me the gift to read others. Each of you give off various ticks and twitches that reveal your emotions and your mental state. I can see when you are about to break, when you are motivated and...." he pulled the energy blade out of his chest and tosses it aside. "when you are about to attack. IT's why I was able to dodge your sword. I would have dodged Vien's sword too, but I wasn't fast enough." His wound began to heal itself. Then he got up and said "Now, I think you both should talk about your problems. How is your sex life?" Vien blushed, Verbatim gagged, Camnator perked up, and Jane gasped and punched Mr. Psychologist in the face, caving it in, but it immediately started to heal. "I apologize, I asked that question to gauge each of your reactions, it wasn't my intent to pry." "Tell us," Jane continued, still fuming, "What use are you to us?" "I've noticed a pattern with the others, the corrupted as you call them. The manner in which they show their corruption is a manifestation of the deepest aspects of their former personalities. It could be a manifestation of some sort of memory, a desire, or something they fear. In my case, I've always wanted to be a psychologist. Now, I have the ability to read others." Mr. Psychologist scratched his beard and furrowed his brows. "But for many others, it brought out the worst of them. When foman became corrupted, his arms morphed into what I can only describe as big, throbbing, banhammers. That can only be the manifestation of his banning fetish. But he also shot lasers out of his eyes that transformed anybody he hit, so that they grew very large chins, which shows he also has a fetish for ....large chins. There were others I witnessed as well, Citadel Space turned into a hanar, who started fondling CamCamm, much to her horror...and then delight. Gaara444 turned into a mound of sand. Lonepaul turned into pedobear. I can help you fight them, to break them down and defeat them." He paused and faced Jane "You are a warrior of your race, don't you agree that you must know your enemy in order to defeat him? I can help you do that. Please, take my offer, I want to help you all." Dude, you are a shrink." Camnator said "Your kind is part of a system designed to manipulate us all into being the government's mindless slaves. You trick us by pretending to be our friends and by saying the things we want to hear, then you slowly manipulate us to follow the agenda of a so-called "higher power". You are a tool and I wouldn't trust you even if you weren't corrupted by the bane." "There is another special individual like myself." Mr. Psychologist responded,"She retains her own identity althought the bane granted her the ability to expand the size of her gluteus maximus. If I ever sense her nearby again, I shall introduce you." "I take back everything I said!" exclaimed Camnator, "We need this guy!" Jane stared at Mr. Psychologist, and he stared back imploringly. After a few moments of silence she said "Very well. Never before in my universe has one of the corrupted offered their help. But know this, if I even suspect you of betraying us, I will not hesitate to mute you." "Thank you," he said. "I hope I can prove my worth. By the way, you and Vien really should talk about what happened. I've known many couples who have had their relationships ruined because they did not communicate. Perhaps we could do it in a private location? Do you have any room on you shi..." his voice trailed off, voices began to emanate from the hole in the wall that lead to high mind's lair. A cacaphony of high pitched screams mixed with laughter began to grow louder and louder. "Rose...." Verbatim mumbled. "Impossible, how can she be here so soon after our departure?" Vien asked in astonishment. Jane took out a luminscent crystal and through with all her might down the dark tunnel, revealing a grotesque sight: a pulsating wall of flesh oozed towards the entrance. Upon closer look, the party saw faces wearing contorted expressions of manic laughter and rage. Lining their foreheads were the names of various alts Rose had used on bungie.net. Hundreds of arms clawed out of the fleshy mass as they were desperately reaching for the part. "By the prophets....this...this is a monstrosity!" Vien exclaimed. "I don't know about that." Camnator said with a rather amused tone. "I think she improved her looks. No pun intended." As the abomination moved closer, the alts started pulling themselves apart into individual bodies and they began to rush the part. "WE MUST LEAVE!" Jane said, "EVERYBODY GET TO THE SHIP NOW!" Vien, Verbatim, and Mr. Psychologist both rushed to the ship. But Camnator took his time to taunt Rose. "HEY ROSE, YOU'VE REALLY GONE INCOHEREWHAAAACK!!!" he began to say, but was interrupted as Jane picked him up by the scruff of his neck and carried him to the ship. She set him down and rapidly started punching the controls. "Damn! The teleportation drive is malfunctioning. We will have to fly manually! Vien, get on my cannon and hold it off!" she demanded. Vien got on Jane's cannon and began to heat up her plasma. He waited until Rose reached the end of the hole then he began to fire. The rose alts were torn down by the stream of plasma fire but then they began to multiple. "Jane! Your cannons are ineffective, she it only multiplying!" he exclaimed. "God, Rose is such an annoying bitch!" Verbatim said. "Perhaps we should take a different approach to how we deal with her." Mr. Psychologist began to interject, "I suspect she has taken on multiple identities because people do not love her, so she is trying to take on an identity that will give her atten..." "WE DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR PSYCHIATRY!" Jane roared. Rose's alts poured into the cave and began to rush the ship. The massive wall of distorted faces oozed out of the hole, and the arms sticking out of it clapped together. Suddenly everybody inside of the ship lost their voices and the plasma fire lost its effectiveness, as all the alts now had shields to protect them. They began to attack the ship. By themselves they wouldn't have done any damage, but there were hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of them. Jane desperately tried warm up the ship's drives, but she didn't have enough time. Rose's alts began to cloud the viewports so that all they showed were hundreds of her taunting faces. "YOU ARE ALL DOOMED! -blam!-ING LOSERS, HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW THAT I CAN STOP YOUR SHIP WITH MY BARE HANDS? I'M AN ENGINEER BY THE WAY!" The ship began to groan, they weren't going to make it. Cracks began to form in the windows. Red holograms that scrolled along the walls of the ship indicated severe damage to several areas. The party knew this was the end. Rose was just too powerful. Vien walked over to Jane and silently embraced her. Camnator went over to Verbatim and embraced him and silently offered him a joint. Verbatim accepted the offer silently, a sign of comradeship. They both took a puff and laid back against the wall just as an explosion rocked the ship. (To be continued)
English
#Offtopic

Posting in language:

 

Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

View Entire Topic
You are not allowed to view this content.
;
preload icon
preload icon
preload icon