I don't think there really was a reason. It just. Happened And I have no idea when it exactly started. It was such a horrible rut to be in. It was a combination of depression, paranoia (which I still have severely), chronic nightmares which caused insomnia as I didn't want to sleep. Ever. My body degraded to a miserable state. When I met wild he helped me a lot. Then my cat died last year and I just I fell into this Suicidal phase. I'm not explaining well. It's rather late but I'm not ashamed or skittish about explaining. So no worries