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originally posted in:The Black Garden
7/18/2013 5:20:56 PM
1
this is good. I'll have to see more before I make a judgment on whether I like it or not. but this is definitely good writing.
English
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thank you very much. and if you would like to see the updated/revised version here's the link. http://www.bungie.net/7_Untitled-A-Destiny-Fanfiction/en-us/Forum/Post?id=61152029&path=1
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all right, now that's what I'm talking about! the writing is superb and the descriptive language really shines. the only criticism I have is that you don't really focus on Sasha's thoughts and feelings after the first couple of paragraphs. since she's your main character, for right now, she should get some fleshing-out. but you did give her a very good physical description.
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Thank you very much, i'll take a look back on that, but i'm trying to contain her emotions until the end of chapter 2, and most of chapter 3. make her seem solid on the outside and then break her apart.
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that is sick and disturbed and just what a writer would do. I love it.
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thank you. The main challenge is making it flow with a string of flashbacks.
