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originally posted in:The Black Garden
Edited by Juroku: 7/15/2013 4:20:41 PM
14
[b]"We Win, Together" by Juroku[/b] [i]I roam[/i], through the dusty red haze. Through a forgotten, sand-scraped transit station. Through an ancient city, deserted, decrepit, disturbingly familiar. Through the Buried City; its real name died long ago with its people. Little more than ruins remain. Wandering, I hear: amidst the silence, thunderous thumps. Heavy feet crash to the ground. Between broken windows, I see: hulking brutes of steel. The Cabal. Between broken windows, they see: me. [i]I run[/i], hastily from their sight. They run, hastily behind. They trap me in their sight. Shots are fired, flashing by into hills of sand, into rubble. I shriek: a slug pierces my leg. Blood dyes the sand a deeper red. [i]I stumble[/i], holding onto hope. Holding onto thoughts of home. My leg gives way; I tumble in pain, my consciousness failing. The Cabal stand over me. They make no haste: a great bayonet is driven through the iron griffin upon my chest, my only reminder of what once was. [i]I die[/i], blood flowing, puddles soaking the sand. A Cabal raises its arms, cheering. A sudden shot spears its masked face. More follow. The rest withdraw. An unfamiliar face sees me: another Guardian, an Awoken. Her hands glide over me: I feel a soothing sensation in my limbs. In my corpse. Abruptly, I can breathe. I can move. [i]I live[/i], climbing to my feet, she dusts me off. I nod. She nods, but not at me. Behind me. I look: tens more of our kind stand ready, weapons levelled. I turn back and find the Cabal who killed me. It lies on the floor, bleeding out. I fire once: a coup de grâce. [i]I win[/i], I glance up: the Cabal charge. I raise my rifle, and we fire, all as one. In seconds, no Cabal remains standing. [i]We win[/i], together. [b]WORD COUNT: 300[/b] [i][P.S. Inspired by [/i]Destiny[i]'s emphasis on multiplayer and teamwork. The ending is supposed to resemble a Public Event, with large groups of Guardians coming together as one to defeat the overwhelming Cabal forces.][/i]
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  • This is really well written! Your story totally drew me in! Great idea for a mission in the game.

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  • Thanks for the reply! I doubt Bungie would even consider my ideas for their game. Or maybe I'm just overly modest. That said, if it were implemented in-game, I guess it would be a Public Event with very tough, high-ranking Cabal who are dangerously reckless (like the kind of enemy who just walks around your cover when you're low on shields and finishes you off with a freakin' melee!); it would be a moment like the Devil-Walker in the gameplay trailer, where you NEED several players to take 'em down. At least, that's what I imagine it would be like. Unlikely to happen, but nice thought. Thanks again!

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  • well if you ask me, Bungie was probably looking for some inspiration for quests and missions. the gaming community is so picky these days I don't blame Bungie for asking their fans to help write a script or two. Best of luck to you!

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  • Excellent choice of style. Really makes your story distinct

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  • that's what I call Poetic justice. I'm a pun guy.

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  • All you need is a pair of sunglasses and some guy beside you to yell, "YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!".

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  • haha! that would be great!

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  • Hell, why not hire a whole band to play some The Who while you're at it?

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  • or an orchestra of popular bands all playing songs in unison

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  • Edited by Juroku: 7/15/2013 6:33:33 PM
    Oh yeah, in case the judges see the "Edited:" timestamp and assume it was uploaded after the deadline, it was not. All I did was add the word count for the judge's convenience. I hope this issue does not cause any inconveniences.

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  • This was very well made, and i admire the slightly poetic way you told it, i would hope that you win, except i have a story in this contest too!!

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  • Thanks for the feedback! Never really released my writing into the vast, sadistic wilderness that is the Internet, but it's nice to know that all those years practising haven't gone to waste! And, as the films often say, may the best man win.

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  • Very nice. I like the almost poetic style.

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  • Thank you for the praise! I always love writing something a little... unorthodox. Something that (hopefully) stands out in the crowd. Sounds like it did the job!

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