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originally posted in:The Black Garden
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Edited by Drumm1ng An1mal:
4/22/2013 2:33:10 AM
4
Lilyanna Ara's Destiny
Please forgive any mispellings and give feedback so i can make the next chapter better.
"Edit" I changed it from Saturn to its moon Titan i pictured it haveing a somewhat foresty area whether it be of ice or actually land i'm just trying to make it better and easily readable.
English
#Destiny
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Edited by Queztlis: 4/22/2013 2:19:02 PM...I read it.... And it definitely has the potential to be great. Its good. But it would make way more sense to change the Saturn thing into maybe a moon of some other planet would make it more believable, also add another regiment to your group so far it seems you have 3 squads. And 15-20 people can't clear an entire planet , or even a few hundred miles on there own. To make it realistic you need around 150-200 guardians/ soldiers. As wolf said below me. Correct the grammatical errors, or I could if you don't feel like it, and it'll be all set.
