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Edited by Peaches Pan Tao: 5/29/2020 1:46:31 AM
17

I just lost the woman of my dreams...

>Be me >Come to coffee shop to work on my novel that will inevitably suck >Park >See red Toyota something or other >Cartoon gandalf sticker (above) reading YOU SHALL NOT PASS >Love that shit >Think "would be awesome if thats some chick's car" >See cute bead looking thingy hanging from mirror >Probably not fat basement dwelling dude's car >Go into coffee shop hoping for chick. >See chick near where I sit talking to an older friend >Pretty, with prim and proper look balanced by confidence and probable intelligence >Is probably astrophysics major or something way out of league >Exactly what makes me hard >Chick and friend leave shortly after I sit down >Watch chick walk out to parking lot from table >Feel like creep >Please oh please be the gandalf car >Chick gets into gandalf car and drives away >Will never love another woman again >Post in b.net as tears stream down face and hoping rona gets me >Will probably go lick wal mart shopping carts after posting >The world will never be beautiful again True story. Kinda. Anyway, I come to this coffee shop a lot and I'm hoping this girl shows up again, not that I'd have balls to say anything.

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  • Edited by f3: 5/29/2020 4:54:00 PM
    6
    Okay, here’s what you do. The next time she walks into the coffee shop, you need to jump out of your chair, and do it with enough force and passion to knock the chair to the ground. But this must be executed with precision; you don’t want to send the chair just clattering to the floor. No, you want the chair to tip over and strike the floor once; a single clap, like the strike of Saint Peter’s gavel, and whether or not you are allowed into the heaven of her soul depends on execution. The sound of chair striking floor will stop her in her tracks, and she will turn, stunned, to see you standing erect, staring her in the eye. Start playing [url=https://youtu.be/AOdVNMy9PPQ]this song[/url] at a reasonable volume. And as it starts, you will walk slowly towards her, never breaking eye contact, the swelling music engulfing you both, the shared trance now erasing the world around you, leaving only you, her, and Lionel. As you continue, you begin to feel the very fabric of reality, an inevitability drawing together two souls, inextricably bound. And as Lionel finally cries out, [i]”Hello?...”[/i], you take her in your arms and ask, [i]”...is it me you’re looking for?”[/i] (You’re gonna want to time it so that you reach her as Mr. Richie gets to that part of the song, so just walk at whatever pace gets you to her in [url=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AOdVNMy9PPQ&persist_app=1&app=m&t=0m38s]about 35 seconds[/url]). Then you’ll dance slowly in the coffee shop, still maintaining eye contact, and about [url=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AOdVNMy9PPQ&persist_app=1&app=m&t=1m15s]a minute and 15 seconds[/url] into the song (it’ll make sense if you follow the link), you dip her and you kiss. And then everyone in the coffee shop claps. Hasn’t failed me once. I mean, I’ve never tried it, but it works [i]great[/i] how I imagined it.

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