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4/18/2020 7:02:28 AM
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Project Spinel: The Ishlins

.. It started with a race called the Ishlins. A peaceful tribe that tendered to world like none we have seen before. Its best description was that nature ruled and encompassed the entire ecosystem. There were no great oceans or deserts, only a vast array of water streams that occasionally lead to lakes. Atop the dirt and soil, where Jungles and areas of patch land, that held a pure mixture of plants and flora, one could only imagine understanding the beauty of. The details of the Ishlins are much like that of humans with key differences being their skin wore a faint green pigment and they were naturally agile. As life flourished and acted in accordance with the wishes of the planet, the Ishlins rose to become both the gardeners and to discover the path towards the evolution of knowledge. A few thousands of years pass and the discovery of technology beyond our own has been developed. Tech in that has not only breached the barrier from planet to space but in fact, planet to planet, to solar systems and beyond. Sent as a means to scout out with safety and to hope spread the word of peace, the very first vessel named ‘’The surveyor’’, with a crew comprised of 1 pilot robot, a messenger robot, 4 mechanic robots and 2 garden robots, their quest begins. The ship is also linked to a post on their homeworld. A year passes and over 40 planets have been surveyed. Yet absolutly nothing remarkable had been discovered. A great sadness overcomes the race. As the ship was making its final voyage home and to be discontinued, suddenly a black hole appears, and the ship is pulled in. The massive density of the gravity does considerable damage to hull and everywhere, breaking away piece by piece, fires start as the strain cause’s things to explode, hull breaches suck things into the void. All attempts at communication with Homebase become impossible and everything is shaking violently. Some time passes and ship is released from black hole, heavily damaged, it breaches the atmosphere of a planet and comes crashing down from orbit at exceedingly high speeds. BOOOM! Pilot broken beyond repair, Messenger broken, the 4 mechanics broken and finally the 2 garden robots, one is crushed but holding onto a plant, he stares at the free one as if to say ‘’Take this’’, the other understands and leaves the ship. Plant in hand, he sets off, on a world like none we have seen before. For.. [spoiler]My first ever story. Ty Aifos, I love the idea of an prompt to work off![/spoiler]

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  • I liked it! Great job! The way you set up the way the planet looked was phenomenal! That description was probably my favorite part of the piece (though, the phrase 'its best description' was a little awkward)! With that being said, the time lapse did seem kind of odd. We get a glimpse of the planet in the past, but then time moves forward, and the planet presumably has a bunch of tech now. The time lapse itself was written fine, but it and the description of the planet are kind of at odds with one another. It would probably be better to either give us a description post-tech to begin with, or have everything take place in the more naturalistic past. I also, don't think that's how black holes work... But, you did a great job setting the stage for a story! Admittedly, not a lot of story actually happened, but the stage is set, and I could see it be a really good one! Great job!

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    • Entry acknowledged! I’ll check it out tomorrow!

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      • Competition bump

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