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Edited by Keanu Weeves:
4/14/2018 6:21:35 PM
228
The Cancer has won.
Dear Friends,
Each day I feel progressively weaker. Just goes to show money doesn't solve all of your problems, at least she won't have to worry about financials as an adult for a while(hopefully lol).
Doctors are saying it could be anywhere from 12 hours to 2 weeks from now. As I lie in this uncomfortable ass hospital bed, it just doesn't feel real, but my role here in this life has been played, and I accept that. I just know she doesn't.
She won't leave my side, she cried herself to sleep last night. I don't want her to leave, and I don't want to leave her. I'm so conflicted, I accept that it's my time to go, but I can't leave her. She needs me.
I need her...
Needless to say, this will be my last post. Thank you all for your love and support, it meant a lot.
Farewell.
-God
[spoiler]When I come to the end of my journey
And I travel my last weary mile,
Just forget if you can, that I ever frowned
And remember only the smiles.
Forget unkind words I have spoken;
Remember some good I have done,
Forget that I ever had a heartache
And remember I've had loads of fun.
Forget that I have stumbled and blundered
And sometimes fell by the way.
Remember I have fought
Some hard battles and won,
Ere the close of the day.
Then forget to grieve for my going,
I would not have you sad for a day,
But in summer just gather some flowers
And remember the place where I lay.
And come in the evening,
When the sun paints the sky in the west,
Stand for a few moments beside me,
And remember only my best.
[/spoiler]
-
6 RepliesI’m praying for you and your daughter. This isn’t the end. Your wife has been with you both. You will be reunited with her while you two will be looking down at your daughter watching her grow into a very strong woman. Death is not Final. It will definitely be hard. The tough part is wanting to be there for her to guide her and not being able to. The tough part is her wanting someone touchable to be there for her. I don’t know what arrangements you’ve made for her for when you’re gone (or if you end up reading this, which, if you don’t, is just as well since you should be spending every remaining moment you have with your daughter or loved ones or talking to God). But You will be able to see things from a new perspective, watching how gloriously God will be orchestrating things in caring and providing for her. How she really is in the Best of Hands. I don’t know how much Bible stories you know but it’s like the story of Jesus and His disciples sailing across a sea during a storm. The disciples were panicking while Jesus was asleep in the back of the boat. They were getting pounded and swamped with waves and they finally woke him. He calmed the storm and then asked them why they were so afraid. (Matthew 8; Mark 4). I mean if we really knew what Jesus/God knows, I’m sure we wouldn’t have such fear either. But we are human and God, being God, is very much aware of our fragility of mind and body. You will be able to see how perhaps God allows evil in order to turn it around upon itself in order to only refine good and to work for the purposes of Good. (Romans 8) You are a wonderful father to her. Neither you nor her mother are failures. IF you have the time, or as recommendations to you or your daughter, don’t know your perspectives on reading, I recommend A Grief Observed and The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis (and everything else by C.S. Lewis (Tim Keller has good insight too (pastor at redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York))) for more insight and perspective on all this suffering and hard times. God (the real one lol) bless you both. May your daughter grow into a strong, Wise, and virtuous woman. May your daughter come to know and understand that the suffering of this life won’t hold a candle to the awesomeness of what God has in store and how he’s going to work it all out in the end, twisting evil and suffering for good purposes instead for those who love him. May your daughter be blessed with true friends, people that care for her as if she was part of their own family. May you be able to say everything you need to say, give her all the encouragement and affirmation she needs, and pour into her all the love and wisdom you have with your remaining time. You are both God’s precious children.
