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1/12/2018 6:14:33 AM
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A Scientific Analysis of This Weeks Update Jan 11 2018 (Warning long read)

In the 80’s as a kid you read about the adventures of the The Berenstein Bears, ate Oscar Meyer wieners, and watched in amazement as Darth Vader said “Luke, I am your Father”…Now what if I told you that you’re wrong because none of those things happened? Yes that’s right you actually read The Bearstain Bears, ate Oscar Mayer wieners, and Darth Vader never said “Luke, I am your Father”… At this point you’ve either had your mind blown or you’re quietly saying to yourself “Umm, I never thought that about any of the above?” Well regardless you’ve stumbled upon the pseudo scientific theory of the Mandela effect! Which people believe large scale false memories are a sign of multiple timelines or dimensions converging on each other. But is it really pseudo science? Well we have a confession to make…It’s err us here at Startec labs. Yep! In order to fix the past with our lesser known invention the time portal, well we’ve scrambled a few eggs here and there. But it’s all for your prosperity and happiness, honest! For instance there’s a reality where Hitler escaped to Argentina and lived to the age of 95…Wait did we fix that one yet, does anyone around here know? Regardless next time you could have sworn you remembered something and it turns out to be completely wrong. You’re not wrong at all it’s just us at Startec working towards a brighter future. =========================================================================== [quote]“The team has been hard at work and we’re ready to share where we are headed.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*: More like busy ignoring you’re pleads to remove eververse while we sip egg nog, and do lines of coke on our Christmas vacation.[/b] [quote] “We used to wait to talk about game updates until we were certain we could meet our deadlines to avoid letting players down if we changed our plans.”[/quote] [b] *Translation*: Or until our overlords at Activison would let Luke Smith out of his Mom’s basement long enough to drop the ball on what we’re really up to. [/b] [quote]“No longer. We’re not just listening, we are doing.”[/quote] [b] *Translation*: Devs version of “Well take that to the Dev’s” except we both know that will never happen in either case.[/b] [quote]“Please keep in mind that the further out we make promises, the more they are subject to change.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*: The only promise we can keep is to continue breaking our promises…Just like your shady Uncle Jim[/b] [quote]“One thing we want is to set clearer expectations for is which categories of content are available to everyone each Season, and which are exclusive to Destiny 2 Expansions:”[/quote] [b] *Translation*: We forgot to mention one category and that’s “Pay Wall” were each season the content that you already owned is locked away to force you to purchase DLC in order to play. [/b] [quote] “Expansions are purchasable updates that typically add new Story, Destinations, and Gear, as well as new Crucible, Strike, and Raid Lair content.”[/quote] [b]*Translation*: Oh and the added bonus of you get your old content back that we were holding hostage.[/b] [quote]“We recognize that the scales are tipped too far towards Tess at the moment, and Eververse was never intended to be a substitute for end game content and rewards. So, we’ll be making three changes for upcoming Seasons:”[/quote] [b]*Translation*: We know that you want us to #remove eververse, but we don’t want to so we’re going to make a concession…We’re going to put some of the lesser stuff into the loot pools and then lower the chance of you winning it to 0.0001%....Just like that Ghorn you never got back in D1![/b] [quote]“We are still investigating changes to XP earn rates. Our goal with any updates to XP are transparency and consistent XP gain regardless of your preferred activity. Right now, it’s too slow in general and lopsided towards grinding specific activities (which is not a fun grind) and we want to fix that without making those activities low value to players who aren’t grinding them (fairness is cool). Our first attempt turned out to be unworkably buggy so we’re having to investigate other angles. We will continue to update you as we move forward.”[/quote] *[b]Translation*: WARNING: If this game wasn’t casual enough it’s about to get even that much more casual![/b] [b] <<<QUICK TRANSLATION OVERIDE>>>[/b] Masterwork Armor: You said you hated Masterwork guns, so we’re going to give you more of what you don’t love with Masterwork armor! Raid Reward Rework: We’re going to give you another Ghost…Ta DA! Strike Scoring + High Score Tracking: Were getting rid of timers because we’ve found something even more awful…Remember you asked us for this. Mods 2.0: We’re going to delete any mods we find too OP, to make sure you buy more bright engrams PC Tower Chat: PC MASTER RACE!!!!

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  • Edited by gallp13: 1/12/2018 10:42:58 PM
    🤔🤭🤣 Welcome back CBR happy new year and thx for staying in touch during your hiatus 😉 You will be happy to know this edition has been posted on our Clan Discord server. We are looking forward to many more updates. Don’t be a stranger we need ASSHAT to keep Bungie to their promises. Humour and wit have a louder and more effective voice than vitriol and hatred. Best Regards old gallp

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