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originally posted in:The New Dojo
originally posted in: THE DOJO
7/12/2017 3:43:34 AM
1
[quote]"Then I surrender myself to those I've wronged, so I may begin again." [b]And then he took off his armor, reached into his own chest, and pulled out his heart[/b] "I'm sorry." [b]He fell to his knees, and then he was dead. The immortal, gifted mortality. And not even dark magic could bring him back[/b] [spoiler]But then, in the formless Void of nothingness, he opened his eyes...[/spoiler] [spoiler]That version of him can not be affected by the Balrog's simulated hell[/spoiler][/quote] [spoiler]It's not the Balrog at all.[/spoiler] The goblin whispered again, "Flesh and blood is a mere manifestation of who you are. We who are no longer flesh and blood are still bound with you, who is also beyond flesh and blood." [i]The cries of billions, now, sounded out. A Dyson's sphere of souls seemed to have materialized. If it could be noted, these cries rang out despite the vacuum realm that the figure awoke in.[/i] It was extremely hard to discern, but the goblin's voice whispered again, "If you wish to escape, you must repent; change your course to the opposing way. It will only get worse from here, should you continue on."
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  • Edited by Wheatley: 7/12/2017 3:49:47 AM
    [spoiler]Scratch that. Mortal form is still alive. Your completely -blam!-ing with my lore system. He really is the vessel for the Void itself. It's not a mere being.[/spoiler] "How?"

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  • [quote][spoiler]Scratch that. Mortal form is still alive. Your completely -blam!-ing with my lore system. He really is the vessel for the Void itself. It's not a mere being.[/spoiler] "How?"[/quote] [spoiler]Oh. I apologize. Honestly, this is the best I could come up with for good/decent writing/plot. The stuff in your bio I find equivalent to the problem with Superman writing mechanics. It's seems too OP. What makes characters interesting are weaknesses. Not plot devices, but actual weaknesses and limitations, and how the character gets around them. I say this in the spirit of encouraging criticism of my own experience. This is the most challenging obstacle I could think of for your character I could think of, according to your bio.[/spoiler] The goblin materialized and held out its hand. "Follow me."

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  • [b]And then he did[/b]

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  • Edited by Wheatley: 7/12/2017 5:25:37 AM
    [spoiler]Yeah. I do like that idea. Since he is a tool for the Void, we may be able to take advantage of that. Say we sever his connection to the darkness, or maybe even somehow kill him/make him change his ways. That'll give me an excuse to start my new plot. On second thought, I don't really want to give up my character and his current level of power. Any advice?[/spoiler] [b]He did so[/b]

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