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originally posted in:The New Dojo
12/14/2016 4:57:20 AM
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[u]"I don't know, if 14 years alone has taught me anything, it's that I can't trust anyone because they're all just in it for themselves. Everyone in this world is truly alone. Watcher sees it, i see it. I haven't trusted anyone and I'm not ready to start again. I've got no one here but you three and Sarah. Hell, you're the most motherly figure I've ever had. I'm glad you didn't kill those two. They're good people. If anyone deserves to die, it's me. I should have listened to the advice the people who told me not to kill gave me. It would've helped this feeling I have. I want this feeling to leave me, just like everyone and everything else has in life. The street beggar never gets what he wants; he wants to eat so he has to steal, he wants a mom so he has to force his way into others lives, he wants vengeance so he kills a man and in return gets an unshakable feeling of guilt and sorrow."[/u] After James finished ranting, he bursted into tears and sat on the ground. He stayed like this for a few minutes, just crying and freaking out on the ground.
English
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[i]She approached him, saying not a word as she sat down beside him, and placed an arm around his shoulder. Leaning in, she held him in a hug, letting him cry it out. He didn't deserve to die. He was just another outcast like the rest of the group, and that was ok. Sometimes even the tough ones had to cry. It was natural. She leaned her head on his, and waited. While she was primarily a physician, she had studied psychiatry, and as a human being, she knew that a shoulder to cry on was sometimes a necessity.[/i]
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[u]"Thank you, Rose. Thank you."[/u] James said through tears. [i]I have an idea. I can turn back time and undo the killing. I can undo it. I can't get rid of this pain.[/i] [u]"I know how I can get rid of the pain. Before I tell you, I need to ask if you know what my ability is or not."[/u]
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"No." [i]She said.[/i] [i]She had only just met him a few minutes ago, she really only knew his name and what he had told her.[/i]
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[u]"The thing with me, my name had good reason. I'm fast and I can manipulate time itself. I've yet to attempt it, but I believe I can freeze time or go back. I want to try."[/u] James had the same determined look he had when he killed Zachary. He wanted, no he needed, to go back.
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[i]Rose sighed, and then spoke.[/i] "Time is a dangerous thing to manipulate. While your slowing of it is relatively harmless, rewinding it could have drastic unforeseen consequences for not only you, but perhaps everyone else. Time is one of those things better left alone. I know what you're hinting at, and that is dangerous."
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[u]"So is this pain, these self destructive thoughts. I want it to leave me."[/u] James looked at Rose and he had a certain fire in his eyes, but also a pain. He had seen and done things 14 year old kids shouldn't have. [u]"I'm the child that was forced to be a man..."[/u]
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"Even with the past changed, does it bring back your parents?" [i]She asked.[/i] "You made your choices, and you'll face the consequences, but that does not mean you have to allow yourself to be destroyed in the process." [i]She said, quietly, reassuringly.[/i]
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[u]No, they won't come back. I've accepted that already. I just don't want to be the same man as the guy who killed them..."[/u] [i]Is this what having a sister is like? [/i] Stinger decided Rose was right and decided not to do anything stupid.
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"None of us wanted to be where we are today. I never once dreamed I would have ever killed an innocent person. I never once thought I would end up playing big sister to Miles. Monsieur Wolfe never expected to lose his father and hunt down the men who did it. Wilson never expected to be shot in the head for carrying a simple package." [i]She said.[/i] "It is not always about the road that takes you to wherever you are, it is about who you are as a result of the road."
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[u]I never want to kill again. I know I will one of these days. I dread that day very much. That being said, I'm not going to go full serial killer mode. Do you still feel guilt?[/u]
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Edited by Trashcan Jesus: 12/15/2016 3:47:06 PM"If I did not feel guilt, I would be as much a monster as Wilson." [i]She said, something shaky in her voice.[/i] "Nobody feels nothing after killing someone unless they are no longer man."
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[u]Well, I'm not Wilson, luckily.[/u] Said James with a shaky laugh. [u]At least there's that[/u]
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"Humans, despite how much we seem to do it, are instinctively against killing our own kind. Even in self defense and to protect our loved ones, there is a regret for taking another's life." [i]She finally stood up from beside him, and turned to the stairs just as Watcher, or Miles, had come down, wearing jeans and a long-sleeve t-shirt, sleeves rolled up. A look of surprise crossed his face, as he noticed that James was still there. Outside of his armor, Watcher was thin, and just about as tall as Rose. His brown hair was wavy, and moderately long, covering his ears, but still far from being shoulder-length. He was fairly tan, his eyes brown, always alert. In his hand, an empty water bottle. Unable to move, he simply stood at the bottom of the staircase.[/i]
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[u]Oh, uh... Hey Watcher. Ummm....[/u] James knew Watcher didn't want to be seen, so James looked down
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[i]There was an awkward moment of silence, before he decided that at this point, there was no more real reason to continue concealing his own identity. James had already seen him out of armor and knew his name. While it bothered him, he knew at this point he needed to simply get over it. It was simply an unnecessary fear anymore. [/i] "Hey...." [i]He said awkwardly, running a hand through his hair.[/i] [i]Standing there for a moment, he eventually turned and headed to the back of the first floor, tossing his bottle into a recycling bin. He came back in, but seemed to not know exactly what to say.[/i]
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James had no idea what to say after the previous events. He looked over to Rose for help but she was as lost as he. [u]Wow... this is really awkward.[/u] James made an attempt to lighten the mood with a joke, it would probably fail but it's better than nothing.
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"You're tellin' me..." [i]Watcher said, looking over at Rose, who then spoke.[/i] "Miles it is ok, James will not hurt you, him knowing who you are isn't going to put him in danger." [i]She said calmly.[/i]
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[u]Ummm... Yeah, I won't hurt you or anyone else for that matter. At least not by choice.[/u] James was more confused now. How could him knowing Watchers identity bring him harm?
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"I'm not worried about you hurting me. I'm worried about you knowing me hurting you. You remember how I told you I was thief? I worked for a lot of not-so-nice people just to keep food on the table and have a place to sleep. I'd be willing to bet that the second they found out that I was still alive, they'd be after me, and be willing to capture, interrogate, and torture anyone who knows me personally. I don't want anyone hurt because of me." [i]He said, finally getting it off of his chest.[/i]
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[u]Well, I was a thief and a beggar as well. The thing with me; I never worked with not-so-nice people. You know why?[/u] James waited a second before he answered his own question. [u]It's because I never knew [b]any[/b] people. I knew no nice people nor not-so-nice people. Being alone out there for 14 years without one person to talk to, it kills you. Makes you something other than human. I worked for myself, there was a time where I didn't say one word for 6 years. 6. [b]Years.[/b] That's almost half of my life. I've never felt love, never been loved. I think it's worth the risk now that I may have found [b]something.[/b] I'll get tortured, I'll risk life and limb if there's a chance, even a slight chance that I'll have people to talk to and people who can talk to me. I've been hurt before. I watched my mother and father die. I'm a killer. I hurt myself more than anyone else ever could. I'm fine. I'll keep knowing you until I can't anymore[/u]. And with that, James sat down again and looked at Watcher.
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[i]Watcher was silent. He was quite honestly taken aback. James never struck him as someone to have been such a loner, the kid just didn't seem it. Then again, he should've figured that him being alone for all that time was why he wanted someone to talk to. Even still, it was surprising, because he had been so reluctant to open up to Rose and the others. James seemed to not care, he just wanted to talk. For a moment, he stood there, unsure of just how react to James' story. He wasn't good at the whole compassion thing, not because he didn't want to be, but because he simply didn't know how to. [/i]
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Since Watcher didn't reply, James continued. [u]Im not asking for your pity. I don't need remorse or empathy. I'm just not going to give up. [/u]
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"Good way to live life." [i]He replied.[/i]
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[u]14 years, tried and true.[/u]
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"So why the Dojo of all places?" [i]He asked, meandering over to the counter and leaning against it. [/i] "It's not like this place is conducive to you or really all that safe." [i]With people like Wilson around, it was kind of hard to be totally safe. Watcher really just wanted to find out what he could about James before he turned the questions around towards him.[/i]
