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#feedback

Edited by Mike Lawrence: 2/5/2016 8:46:49 PM
6

Let's Destiny! Episode 6

So if Destiny is such a big universe why does it lack even the most basic forms specificity needed by the most basic civilization? If you order a pizza for delivery in the Destiny universe how the hell do you give the driver directions? “yeah, I’m in [i]The Tower[/i].” “Which one?! The city is 1000+ Square miles, every building is a tower to me, and there are at least 4 really tall ones? What's the address?” “Well, I am in the tower we call [i]The Tower[/i]. Here look I’m on the top floor landing platform waving my hands. Can you see me?” “Um, ok...I’m not seeing shit. How about you jump? Maybe I’ll see your soon-to-be-corpse as it plummets.” What do they call the other towers that are not called The Tower? Perhaps, The Tower That Is Not The Tower But Kind Of Looks Like It? We’ll call it [b]T.T.T.I.N.T.T.B.K.O.L.L.I.[/b] for short! This probably explains why I can’t just wander [i]The Streets[/i] of [i]The City[/i] I bet it is really easy to get lost. “Excuse me kid, how do I get back to [i]The Tower[/i]?” The kid looks around at the 2536+ very tall buildings in view. “It’s the one that the pizza delivery people cannot seem to find. You know which one I’m talking about, don’t you?” Poor confused street kid stares in confusion then his face brightens. “I didn’t know The City had a pizza delivery joint!” “Yeah, it’s called The Pizza Delivery Place!” “Is it good?” “I don’t know. Nobody I know seems to survive the delivery.” Speaking of kids I bet there is a completely avoidable epidemic of orphans, who actually have families, that just couldn’t find their way back home from [i]The School[/i] with all the streets named [i]The Street[/i]. I bet there are more lost kids wandering the streets in Destiny than cheap hookers in Miami. No wonder the children are afraid. It ain’t The Darkness that scares them, it’s localized travel in a city whose planners were bat shit crazy. What if The Traveler wakes up and we find out he was like a traveling salesman kind of Traveler and all the invading races are just angry customers looking for a refund? “Hey, this Unobtainium engagement ring turned my wizard wife's fart clouds blue!” “This Consummate Fart Gaggle shotgun has a one foot range! I can punch them at twice that distance!” Let’s face it with global consumer culture being what it is a cosmic traveling salesball would kind of make an ideal god for us to worship. It also explains Rahoul J Cryptarch and his shady business practices--it’s religious observance to rip you off! Come to think of it, it also explains the ghosts resurrecting humans! We don’t remember our past purchases because we were dead! Now we are being conned into buying really crappy guns and armor from this sales god, always with the promise of something great just around the corner. With the ghosts resurrecting us this cycle of consumerism need never end! Don’t feel like shooting bad guys? Shoot your friends for sport and maybe (but not really) you’ll get an awesome reward. I’m pretty sure out-of-control consumerism paired with slot machine randomness was a ring in Hell on an early draft of Dante’s Inferno. Earth is now a highly fertile square in hell’s half acre for a galactic traveling sales satan and it’s harvest time so hand over your wallets Guardians! It makes sense. I mean, can it really be coincidence that the Traveler appears as a giant blue ball hanging over our heads? It’s always there reminding you of the satisfaction you will never receive as long as you shop at The Tower but we are too busy buying RNG crap and dance moves to really notice. Am I the only one noticing this?

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