If you've been stabbed, it's very important not to panic. The first thing you need to do is to put pressure on your pain hole to stop or slow the flow of blood, No matter how salty or delicious it might be, mmmmmm. Just keep pressure on the wound. Hold it all in and never let go, like you're repressing dark fantasies. Now call for an ambulance. If you live in the UK, dial 999. If you live in the US, dial 911. If you live in another country, I'm so sorry... Here are some top tips for passing the time while waiting for an ambulance. Read a book! Write a book! Book a vacation for your book! OR THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO DESERVE THIS. If you happen to come across someone bleeding their treacherous life away, you can help them by applying pressure to their wound. Like the unrelenting pressure from the voices in your head. And now for some top tips on how to not get stabbed in the first place. 1- Don't go in dark alleyways. 2- Avoid making eye contact with old ladies. And 3- DON'T EAT MY SANDWICH.