-Be 19 -Living in my college town -Doing school things -Works at IHOP -Because college town, pancake joint be swinging -A group of four guys come in every night -Three are nice and tip well -One asshole -Asshole always gets six pancakes -After two months of dealing with them cannotdeal.jpg -Asshole's magnitude far outweighs his friends' likability -Slowly developing cancer from asshole radiation -He seems like he hasn't mentally evolved yet -Likely bordering retard status -Huge muskills though -Instead of going for direct confrontation, I make a decision -I am slowly and methodically going to -blam!- his mind -Every night, one pancake gets more penis-like in nature -About 4-6 degrees on the floppy Johnson every day -realslowlike.gif -Because I introduce the dickcake slowly he doesn't notice for awhile -I watch happily and giddily as he chokes the cockcake down -It begins to be the centerpiece of my day -He finally notices after it is a straight up honkin' dick -Added whipped cream at the end of the blueberry urethra -Theresastormcoming.jpg -One fateful night I personally deliver the dickcake -He looks me dead in the face and asks me -"Hey," *Deciphers nametag (Letters hurt him)* "A-an-no-on, Anon What is this shit?" -idontknow.jpg -"You better start talking or I'll talk to your manager." -Manager... We'll refer to him as "C" -C is my best friend -dastardlyplot.jpg -"I'll go get him for you -blam!- sir." -I sneak in " -blam!-" because I'm feeling extra alpha -He notices, not happy -I approach C and explain everything -He rotflmaobbqs all of it, every detail -He is in on the conspiracy now -Props to C for his improv work - He sneaks in about nine penis related puns into his talk with asshole -*Paraphrasing* "Sir, we don't just dick around back here. My employees didn't mess with your junk. You need more evidence than one penis shaped pancake" -Other tables hear and enjoy giggles -I'm dying in the kitchen -Asshole scowls, pays, and walks out -getlawyered.jpg -No way this mother-blam!-er will come back tomorrow -Just in case, C gets everyone on our shift in on it --blam!-er comes back -Sits in different zone so he doesn't need to deal with me -Doesn't matter -This was our night to bring hundreds of Phallic references into culinary form -An army of workers ready to bring penis into every open conversation -We were armed and ready -It was no ordinary penis assault -This was the All Hallows Eve of cock -All us workers replaced our nametags with a penis reference -Chuck, Dick, Peter, Johnson, and the asian busboy? Dong -We all stuffed to front of our pants with socks to give a noticeable bulge -We plan the attack in waves -Phase one begins -"Johnson" takes orders waving bulge in assholes face -Asshole's order: Mother -blam!-ing Pancakes -fool.jpg -Cue "Dick" -He brings drinks, spilling asshole's on his cock region -Total improv -"Dick" furiously cleans his pants inches form asshole's face -Uproar in the kitchen -Other tables are getting shitty service this evening -#Worth -Two more waves pass -Asshole stands -Kitchen goes silent -He walks to the kitchen -Dohshit -TROOLINTHEDUNGEON.gif -We scatter -C takes over and calms him down -Should have been a counselor -Commence final wave -Asshole had seen "Dong" clean up "Dick's" spill and had caught wind of out nametags after that -I stroll out -He looks pissed as -blam!- -I hand him not one, but six straight up cocks, no disputing -Bacon pubes, Cherry herpes, Whipped cream jizz -My nametag for this evening? -Penis -He rages and punches me cold -Wake up in the hospital -All employees standing around my bed -Wake up to applause -Broken nose -Still #Worth -Never see asshole again -From that point on, we where know as IHOC -International House Of Cock