A FEW MONTHS AGO,[b] A GJALLAHORN WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET ME AS A DROP DURING THE CROTA RAID[/b], AFTER I [b]PLUNGED CROTA'S OWN SWORD DEEP, DEEP INTO HIS BUTTHOLE[/b]. I'VE BEEN HOLDING OFF ON REVIEWING THIS THING, BUT NOW THAT [b]XUR IS SELLING IT AGAIN[/b] AND THE FORUMS HAVE[b] MORE SALT IN THEM THAN THE UTAH DEADLANDS[/b] I FIGURED "WHAT THE F*CK, LET'S SCREAM ABOUT THIS WEAPON" [b]BECAUSE ME SHOUTING LIKE A HALF-RETARDED ASSHOLE [/b]IS STILL MORE ENTERTAINING THAN HUNDREDS OF [b]GROWN MEN CRYING ABOUT XUR SELLING A FICTIONAL BAZOOKA. [/b] [u][b]WHERE TO START? [/b][/u] [b]GJALLAHORN! NAMED AFTER THE ANCIENT NORSE WORD FOR "BOSS-F*CKER", THIS GUN IS AN APOCALYPTIC JUGGERNAUT OF EXPLOSIONS. NORMALLY, YOU'D HAVE TO SELL YOUR SOUL TO THE DEVIL AND SACRIFICE YOUR FIRSTBORN[/b] (WHICH IS FINE, IF YOUR KIDS ARE ASSHOLES LIKE MINE)[b] TO GET ONE. [/b] [b]GJALLAHORN SERVES A DISTINCT ROLE[/b], AND THAT ROLE IS TO [b]AFFORD YOU THE LUXURY OF SKIPPING STUPID BULLET-SPONGE BOSSES[/b] AND [b]LETTING YOU ACT LIKE A COMPLETE F*CKTARDED JACKASS[/b] ON LFG POSTS. [b]NOW THAT YOU HAVE ONE, FEEL FREE TO PUT A LFG ENTRY LIKE:[/b] "Looking to do VoG normal. Must be Level 34, max Gjallahorn, must have beaten Skolas twice and gone 9-0 in Trials and need all 3 characters to have Dead Orbit 'Revenant' shader" ... Y'KNOW, [b]LIKE AN ASSHOLE. [/b] [b]GJALLAHORN WILL MAKE SHIT EXPLODE AND ITS EXPLOSIONS WILL CAUSE SMALLER EXPLOSIONS AND THE SMALLER EXPLOSIONS WILL EXPLODE MORE SHIT LIKE A RIDICULOUS CASCADE OF VIOLENCE AND LOUD NOISES. WHEN THE MAIN ROCKET EXPLODES, IT RELEASES LIKE... [/b] ...WELL...I DUNNO....[b] WHAT THE F*CK ARE THE WOLFPACK ROUNDS MADE OUT OF? [/b]ARE THEY [b]GHOSTS[/b]? LEGO SHARDS? [b]ARE THESE WHAT WOLVES BECAME IN THE FUTURE AFTER THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF EVOLUTION? [/b] [b]IT FIRES TINY ROBOT WOLVES THAT BITE THE ENEMY. [/b] [b]YOU WILL TAKE GJALLAHORN INTO RAIDS.[/b] [b]YOU WILL FIRE WOLF EXPLOSIONS AT THE RAID BOSSES, AND THEY WILL BE LIKE[/b]: "Haha, what is that? A[i] rocket?[/i] Please,[i] bitch[/i], you can't beat me with tha--[b]-OWWW F*CK F*CK F*CK WHAT IS THAT!?! JESUS CHRIST MY HEALTHBAR! GAHHHH STOP FIRING! AAAAAAGHHHH MY LIFE!!![/b]" AND THE RAID WILL REWARD YOU WITH[b][i] ANOTHER[/i] GJALLAHORN[/b]. OR A [b]HAT[/b]. SOMETIMES THE RAIDS[b] GIVE YOU HATS[/b]. [b]PUT ON HEAVY AMMO FEET TO GET MORE ROCKETS TO FIRE MORE WOLVES. [/b] [b]BRING GJALLAHORN INTO THE CRUCIBLE TO BLATANTLY SHOW OFF[/b], EVEN THOUGH WE ALL KNOW [b]YOU SHOULD BE FIRING TRUTH[/b] AT PEOPLE SINCE TRUTH[b] STALKS A TARGET[/b] WORSE THAN MY EX-WIFE TRYING TO GET HER ALIMONY CHECK.[b] F*CK YOU, THERESAAAAAAAAAA! [/b]I WILL [b]PAY YOU[/b] IN THE [b]MONTH OF [u]NEVERUARY![/u] [/b] [b]GJALLAHORN WILL MELT DOWN BOSSES INTO DUST. YOU WILL PILE THAT DUST HIGH ATOP A MIRROR AND CUT IT INTO LINES AND SNORT HUGE RAILS OF BOSS CORPSEDUST UNTIL YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR F*CKING MIND AND YOU WILL DANCE A WILD, OBSCENE GYRATING DANCE TO AWFUL DUBSTEP MUSIC. [/b] [b]YOU WILL AIM YOUR GJALLAHORN AT A BOSS AND YOU WILL F*CKING KILL YOURSELF AS A THRALL BRUSHES YOUR SHOULDER! [/b] THE AUTO-TRACKING IS [b]VERY SENSITIVE![/b] [b]GJAAAAAAALLAAAAAHOOOOOOORRRRRN!!!![/b] (past reviews: https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/144422606/0/0/1 - PEREGRIIIINE GREAAAAAVES https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/145107737/0/0 - LOOORD OF WOOOOLVES https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/146119010/0/0 - THUNDERRRLOOOOORD )