What if everything you ever wanted...
WAS TO KICK SHIT IN THE FACE!? FOREVER!
[b]THEN YOU NEED[u] PEREGRINE GREAVES[/u]!!![/b]
PUT THESE[b] SWEET-ASS LEGS ON YOUR TITAN[/b] AND[b] YOU WILL F***ING DECIMATE THINGS WITH YOUR POWERFUL KNEES[/b]. THEY ARE[b] GEMS[/b]. YOU WILL LOOK [b]GLAMOROUS[/b] LIKE A [b]STYLISH LADY[/b] WHILE YOU [b]KNEE SOMEONE IN THE THROAT SO HARD THEIR TEETH GO FLYING OUT OF THEIR ASSHOLE![/b] YOUR LEGS ARE [b]BEDAZZLED! [/b]BEDAZZLED WITH THE[b] STRENGTH OF 1,000 KODIAK BEARS[/b] IF KODIAK BEARS GAVE[b] ZERO F***S[/b] ABOUT GRAVITY AND EVOLVED TO DO [b]SWEET JUMPKICKS! [/b]
YOU WILL SET YOUR CHILD ON YOUR KNEE TO GIVE HIM SOUND FATHERLY ADVICE AND[b] THAT CHILD WILL F***ING EXPLODE[/b] BECAUSE [b]YOUR KNEES ARE INSTANT DEATH![/b][b] YOUR SON WILL DIE! [/b]YOUR WIFE WILL DIVORCE YOU! [b]YOU WILL DIE ALONE ATOP THE MOUNTAIN OF CORPSES YOU'VE LEFT IN YOUR WAKE AS YOUR LIFE DISSOLVES INTO A NIGHTMARISH HELLSCAPE OF VIOLENCE AND DEPRAVITY! [/b]
YOU WILL[b] TAKE PEREGRINE GREAVES INTO THE CRUCIBLE [/b]AND YOU WILL[b] MASSACRE PEOPLE![/b] YOU WILL[b] F*** THEM UP![/b]
[b]YOU WILL KNEE BLADEDANCERS![/b] DENIED! [b]GET THAT BUTTERKNIFE THE F*** OUT OF HERE![/b]
[b]YOU WILL KNEE RADIANT WARLOCKS [/b]AND CAUSE THEM TO [b]WEEP RADIANT TEARS![/b]
[b]YOU WILL KNEE GOLDEN GUNSLINGERS[/b]...[b][i]CAREFULLY[/i][/b]....
[b]YOU WILL KNEE OTHER TITANS IN THEIR BUBBLES[/b], DIVING INTO THEIR[b] NEON DISCO DANCE PARTIES BLIND AS SHIT[/b] AND [b]MURDERING [/b]THEM WITH YOUR[b] ENERGY LEGS[/b]! IT IS[b] YOUR BUBBLE NOW SO FU*** THAT GU[/b]---wait, shit...[b]THE BUBBLE IS GONE BECAUSE OF YOU GODDAMMIT WHY THE F*** DID YOU DO THAT!? [/b]
YOU WILL[b] RUIN YOUR K/D[/b] LIKE I HAVE BECAUSE YOU ARE[b] ADDICTED[/b] TO THE SWEET,[i] SWEET[/i] SOUND OF [b]INSTANT AIRBORNE DEATH[/b]! YOU WILL CATCH SO MANY [b]SHOTGUN BLASTS TO THE FACE [/b]AND IT WILL BE [b]WORTH IT[/b] WHEN YOU [b]KNOCK A BLADEDANCER THE F*** OUT[/b] BEFORE HE CAN CHOP UP YOUR TEAM![b] EVERY PAINFUL DEATH WILL BE VALIDATED [/b]AS[b] YOUR LEG COLLIDES WITH A FIERY WARLOCK'S FAGGY GOAT HAT SO HARD THAT HE'S RENDERED BRAIN-DAMAGED[/b] AND HIS FAMILY[b] FIGHTS WITH THE STATE OF TEXAS[/b] TO [b]TAKE HIM OFF OF LIFE-SUPPORT! HE WILL LIVE OFF OF TUBES! BECAUSE OF[i] TEXAAAAAAS! [/i]
[/b]
[b]PEREGRINE[i] GREEAAAAAAAAAAVES[/i]!!![/b]
[b]EDIT:[/b] [b]YOU WILL KNEE TITANS PANIC-FISTING...and...[/b] shit. IT DOES [b]NOT END WELL[/b] IF "[b]UNSTOPPABLE[/b]" IS ACTIVE. THANKS, xSHIBBYx !
EDIT AGAIN: [b]I HAVE REVIEWED THE LORD OF WOLVES:[/b] https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/145107737/0/0
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This is the Shit!
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11/10
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Edited by DatNeon: 8/7/2015 12:48:10 AM[b][i]DAMNIT TEXAAAAAAAAAAAAS![/i][/b]
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[b]HOLY F*** I'M HYPED UP[/b]
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THAT SENTENCE HAD TOO MANY SYLLABLES. APOLOGIZE!!!
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Holy balls, this kills the guardian lol
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Shut up and take my money.
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... [spoiler]OP... is...[/spoiler]
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Had me in tears LMAFAO you should do other exotics lmao
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I read this with Mr. Torgue's voice from Borderlands and it made this post 10 times better
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Bladedancers using butter knives. Lol. Nice post.
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Lmfaooooooo this had me crying
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Oh hey, Billy Mays plays Destiny
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Did you know that while shoulder charge is ready if you are in the air curved knives come out of your -blam!-ing knees (only with peregrine greaves)
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Awesome, nothing else to say
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Thank you for joining us Mr Torgue. May we have a guitar solo now? Epic read.
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Edited by Chadley: 8/6/2015 10:42:55 PMThis is odly satisfying. [spoiler]faggy goat hat[/spoiler]
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I read this is torques voice from BL it was amazing
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So...seeing as I just got them last night, does that mean I should start using them?
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Wow. This just made day and my 12 hour shift at work so much better. Thank you sir. That was awesome
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Is it right I'm reading it in Samuel L Jackson voice
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thank you, sir. thank you.
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10/10 would read again, I'm f*cking dying over here. [quote]Faggy goat hat[/quote] My sides were in orbit.
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Im dying!! I work in a hospital, thats all ill say, and this is the funniest thing Ive seen in months!! Seriosly, Im posting it again and again until I stop laughing!
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Lol it one hits the spider tank on Taniks when arc burn and airborne was on lololololol