I GUARANTEE you I have the best one. Prepare to read some hardcore hate mail. [quote]Lirois set down his phone and thought calmly to himself, "that'll show them, that'll show them all!" He then waddled over to his extra large king-size bed, a fixture he painstakingly crammed into his tiny, dry-semen-covered basement room a task which took he and his deadbeat father hours to get through the small dark hallway leading to the rats nest he calls home) nevertheless, it was a necessity for boys of his stature. Upon laying down, he realized he had left last nights dinner on his pillow. "Pizza never goes bad," he thought to himself, why not have the remaining few pieces, it wouldn't make a dent in his giant figure. As he crammed the dry, grease-laden food into his disgusting gullet he came to a realization, an epiphany as it were; you see, Lirois has seefood disease, he sees food and eats it. This was only relevant due to said epiphany- he no longer fits through the door leading to the exit and more importantly, the fridge. "I guess this is where I've lived for these past 14 years, I suppose this is where I'll die as well, at least I've got my PlayStation to keep me company!" He said aloud- a habit he formed when he crushed his last friend under his severe girth when they both went to grab the last bugle out of the bag (anger issues much lirois? Jeez!). He propped himself up against the wall of pizza boxes and used tissues so he didn't have to move once he started playing destiny. "Time to exact some revenge on other people for being happy and not obese!" He thought as he excitedly pressed the small, circular PS button on his controller. Everything booted up just fine, " only a minute or two before I can show everyone how badass I am" only there was no connection this time....PlayStation Network is unavailable at this time, please try again later. Furious, he turned off his PlayStation and yelled "Mooooooom! The Internet's down again! Its your fault! Can you bring me a bucket and some toilet paper please?!" After his whore of a mother had come and gone he needed something to do...something he did every day after pwning foos on crucible (he's really worked hard for that .19 k/d) he figured he'd wank it, he'd wank it harder than ever. Lirois was a curious boy, he liked to try new things, so he thought he'd try autoerotic asphyxiation this time...so he wrapped his huuuuge belt around his neck and started to do his thing.... (Fast forward 2 days when his mother finally got home from whoring) "Honey I'm home, I'll be down in a bit to change your feeding trough!" She said as she wobbled through the door. There was no answer...she quickly ran down to his dark basement room, knowing something must be wrong as he was now stuck in his own shit-hole. As she pushed the door open it squeaked a little, there was his TV, which was on and still flashing "PSN down", and on the floor covered in filth was her giant boy, pants around his cankles, belt around his neck, but no life in his body. A sad story but in the end it worked out for the better, his mom stopped whoring around and his dad stopped drinking since he had no one to burn with cigarettes anymore. Poor Lirois, may he waddle in heaven Lirois the POS January 2001- January 2015 "Is that food? Eh, I'll eat it anyway." -Lirois (Queue "Eyes of an Angel")[/quote]