I see two possibilities here:
1. This is satire. This is worrying because it's not clever at all, and implies that its writer has no grasp on satire. I do not think this "satire" would even be worthy of wiping Voltaire's ass.
2. The author legitimately believes this. This is very worrying, since the author is definitely over eighteen and... [i]oh God.[/i] He may have kids. Those poor, poor kids.
Your role as a moderator enables you immediately ban this user from messaging (bypassing the report queue) if you select a punishment.
7 Day Ban
7 Day Ban
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