It is true. They can only perform against set AI characters and are incapable of functioning in a highly unpredictable environment like the crucible. You should all just quit. The only way to earn stuff in this game is PvP. Git gud skrubs.
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Satire is generally well thought out, witty and a clever way of making a point while mocking a given subject. The Destiny forums turned it into a new era of "yo momma" standard of joke. Every time I see #satire I just know someone has gathered a handful of bovine excrement and thrown it at their monitor in a terrible attempt to be "funny". Allow me to sit on your level and respond to your "satire" with something equal ...... no u.