[u]Episode 5: Yes Land Beyond part 2[/u]
[b]Gibbs:[/b] A CELL! FROM THE PRISON OF ELDERS! THE ARCHON PRIEST IS STILL INSIDE!
[b]Teddy:[/b] OW, jesus! [b]Winston:[/b] Oh god I swear I just went deaf! [b]Harley:[/b] What the shit, dude!?
[b]Gibbs:[/b] What?
[b]Teddy:[/b] Why don't you just jam a sewing needle into my -blam!-in eardrum while you're at it!? I'm standing right here, bro!
[b]Harley:[/b] Seriously.
[b]Gibbs:[/b] Well, sor-ry.
[b]Winston:[/b] Yeah apologize to all the tones I'm now deaf to, a-hole OW! What the hell was that?
[b]Ratchet:[/b] Still enemies around, morons.
[b]Teddy:[/b] Oh, right. Winston you take care of the Vex group, Harley get up there and handle those Fallen up top and I'll concentrate on the center mob.
[b]Winston and Harley:[/b] Got it.
The air soon became crowded with gunfire and explosions; each guardian quickly taking down their respective enemy groups. Shortly after dispatching the last of their mobs, a mass of Dregs began to flood into the area. Teddy ran towards them and threw up his Ward, blinding the Dregs and repeatedly punching them to death one after another.
[b]Teddy:[/b] Goddamn, I live for this shit! Booyah! Booyah! You can't handle it Dregs! You can't handle it!
[b]Merv:[/b] Inbound Fallen dropship!
[b]Winston:[/b] I'm on it!
Winston cocked back and unleashed a devastating Nova Bomb into the underside of the dropship, obliterating the enemy soldiers before they could even make it to the ground. Once Harley had finished dispatching her designated mob our guardians regrouped to examine the prison cell.
[b]Teddy:[/b] So, from what I understand they imprisoned this dude with his weapon and armor still on.
[b]Harley:[/b] What jackass thought that was a good idea?
[b]Teddy:[/b] Beats me.
[b]Winston:[/b] Wait, why do we need to recapture him if he's already locked up and can't get out unless someone lets him out?
[b]Harley:[/b] A more appropriate question would be why take him back anyway? Let's just push the prison cell over the edge and go home.
[b]Teddy:[/b] Well that's no fun. Gibbs, how bout we let our friend here out of his cage?
[b]Gibbs:[/b] You sure this is a good idea?
[b]Teddy:[/b] Abso-blam!-inlutely.
I reluctantly scanned and infiltrated the cell's security protocols, bypassing its internal firewalls and unlocking the door. We retreated to an elevated position and prepared ourselves as the door swung open and released the Archon Priest.
[b]Archon Priest:[/b] *unintelligible nonsense* You shall die.. *more unintelligible nonsense*
[b]Winston:[/b] He's monolog-ing? Really? Harley, do me a favor and shut this guy up.
[b]Harley:[/b] Gladly.
Harley activated her super ability and unloaded her Golden Gun directly into the Archon's head. For a moment he seemed stunned, but quickly regained his composure and began to return fire.
[b]Harley:[/b] What the?
[b]Winston:[/b] That's it? That's all you got? I've got sniper rifles that do more damage than that, hahaha!
[b]Harley:[/b] Alright, dick! As soon as we get back we're gonna go see Shaxx and have him enter us in the Crucible! We'll see what you think of my Golden Gun then!
[b]Winston:[/b] Oh, sweetheart. You're too cute.
[b]Harley:[/b] Aaahhhrrrrr!
[b]Teddy:[/b] Ummm, I could use a hand here guys!
Fallen reinforcements had arrived from seemingly nowhere. All of a sudden we were swarmed by Shanks, Vandals, and a Major Servitor that appeared to be healing his nearby allies. Teddy and Harley did their best to keep the Archon busy while Winston ducked and dodged around the clearing, frantically trying to distract and destroy as many of the additional units as he could.
After about 5 minutes of furious fighting, the Archon seemed to be faltering. His shots were sloppy; his movement was slow and unsteady. Recognizing his weakness, Harley and Teddy increased the force of their assault, advancing on the Archon as he attempted to retreat. Harley pulled out her sniper rifle, took aim, and fired. The bullet ripped through the Archon's helmet and out through the back of his head. He let out a horrific scream and disintegrated to ash.
[b]Teddy:[/b] Wait, what happened to the reinforcements?
[b]Winston:[/b] I don't know, after the Priest went down they just sort of....evaporated.
[b]Harley:[/b] Huh...that's weird.
Our guardians had won. They gathered around the area where the Priest fell, picking up his house banner as proof of his destruction. But it seemed, that his banner wasn't the only prize to be won. On the ground next to the banner was a long, thin wooden object.
[b]Teddy:[/b] Hey what the hell is this thing? A broomstick?
[b]Winston:[/b] What? Let me see. Why would an Archon Priest have a damn broo-
*KAPOWWW*
[b]Teddy:[/b] OH MY GOD MY LEG! MY LEG! WINSTON YOU SON OF A-!
[b]Winston:[/b]Oh, haha. It's a rifle! Sweet!
[b]Teddy:[/b] Oh man! Oh man! Guys.. Guys I think I'm dying.
[b]Harley:[/b] Hey let me see that. There's something etched into the underside of the barrel. [i]"No Land Beyond"[/i].
[b]Winston:[/b] Ha! More like [i]Yes[/i] Land Beyond! It dropped Teddy like a sack of Acolyte shit hahaha.
[b]Teddy:[/b] Ahhhhh. Ohhhh it hurts......
[b]Harley:[/b] Oh suck it up ya big pussy!
[b]Teddy:[/b] Ohhhh.. Owwwww, when we get out of this place I'm killing you both!
[b]Harley:[/b] You'll have to put down your purse and clean the sand out of your vagina before that'll happen you whiney little girl.
[b]Winston:[/b] Merv, call us down our ride and let's head back to Earth. We'll get princess Teddy here patched up on the way.
And with that we gathered up our things, made a makeshift stretcher for Teddy, and headed back to orbit. Our mission was complete, and the Vanguard would want to hear of our success.
[i]Up next-
Episode 6: Crucibullies[/i]
https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/116062288/0/0
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This is funny. Has an "Archer" type of humor to it.