ATTENDING: Division Manager, Personnel Section, Office of The Nine: Bob Applicant for the position of “Limited Outstanding Overpowered Treasure” Distributor: Xûr Transcription: Cindy PART I Bob: “You may come in.” Xûr: “It is my will to speak to you.” Bob: “Yes, that is why we invited you here today, Mr….Thur… Soor….Ksoo…Ah, yes. Mr. Xûr.” Xûr: “What sort of thing are you?” Bob: “M… Me? My name is Bob, I will be conducting this interview for the office of The Nine. Before we start, is there anything we can get you? Water? Coffee? Please make yourself comfortable.” Xûr: “So much light here, I suppose I feel pain.“ Bob: “Uh... yes… okay, Cindy, can you turn it down a bit? ... Thank you. So Mr. Xûr, nice to meet you. I see that you applied for the position of “LOOT Distributor”. Can you please tell me why you felt that you wanted to apply for this position at our office?” Xûr: “"There is something inside me that wishes to connect." Bob: “Uhm… yes, that sounds very nice Mr. Xûr, but can you tell me more about why you chose this position in particular. We have other openings as well, some diplomatic, some in logistics. We also need a new janitor. Why do you feel you qualify as a LOOT Distributor?” Xûr: “"My function here is to trade...I know this." Bob: “I understand, Mr. Xûr. Would you say that it is your Destiny™ to work in trade?” Xûr: “My movements to a significant degree are dependent on planetary alignments.” Bob: “Well… I … guess you could call that Destiny™… I am happy to see that you are so determined to our cause. Can you tell me anything else about you?” Xûr: “I have told you what I can.” Bob: “Okay, I see. To be honest with you, Mr. Xûr, after our last agent woke the Hive, this position has been open for quite a while and you are the first applicant in a long time. We are kind of in a pinch here. You seem like you have the will to fill in this position, and we would like to hire you, but do you think that you can fulfill the requirements of this position? It will require long interplanetary travel and management of logistics. Do you think you can get used to this kind of work?” Xûr: “For organic life to persist it requires constant adaptation.” Bob: “Yes. Yes of course Mr. Xûr, you are correct. Well that is all I wanted to hear. Congratulations, you are now the official LOOT Distributor for the office of The Nine.” Xûr: “I am an Agent of the Nine.” Bob: “Yes you are Mr. Xûr. And let me tell you, we got great dental.” PART II Bob: “So, I hate to have to rush you Mr. Xûr but I want to talk about what exactly it is you will be doing.” Xûr: “Please.” Bob: “You see, LOOT stands for Limited Outstanding & Overpowered Treasure. We have this huge collection of golden age weaponry and also some very exotic items that came up after the collapse. We have no use for it, so we decided to sell it. Unfortunately, no one ever comes this far out here, at least not yet. We didn’t expect it to take this long but unfortunately there is nothing we can do about it now, but to take matters into our own hands. So we need you to take some of this stuff and bring it to different locations, including the Tower of the Guardians on Earth.” Xûr: “My movements... are not predictable even to me.” Bob: “Oh, please do not worry about that. I have here a weekly schedule for you. We want you to be in another location every day, but from Friday to Sunday you will be in the Tower of the Guardians. They are by far our best customers. You would not believe the amount of coins they are willing to shed out even for the most basic gear. Can you believe that we have millions of these items and they are buying more and more every week, even though this stuff is basically lying around everywhere? But hey, the customer is king, I always say. If they are willing to pay, we will sell.” Xûr: "Items belong to the Nine not me.” Bob: “Oh yes, but do not worry, on top of your monthly salary we will pay you a bonus if you reach certain sales goals. So here is a list of all the items we have available. As you can see, it ranges from primary weaponry to very special weapons over to heav… Wait a second… Cindy, why is that rocket launcher still in here? Wasn’t that supposed to be called back and shelved indefinitely?” Cindy: “... Yes, somebody in the warehouse must have made a mistake…” Bob: “I can’t believe it, I am working with scrubs here… Please tell me it is not in the schedule for next month.” Cindy: “I will check it immediately.” Bob: “I am so sorry Mr. Xûr, you see, we were selling this Gyala…. Ghala, Yala… Yolo…” Cindy: “Gjallarhorn.” Bob: “… We were selling this… Gjallarhorn… in the past but for some reason so many guardians got really angry about it. We don’t know why, it is a great weapon and it made life for all guardians so much easier, but still we got a lot of negative feedback, so we decided to pull it for now.” Cindy: “I am sorry, but it appears that it has been scheduled for sale in two weeks and already loaded into the transport.” Bob: “…. Well, what do I care, I am only the Division Manager for the Personnel Section. Let them ship it but attach a note that they should not do so again after that...” Xûr: “I...cannot endure this place long.” Bob: “Yes, of course, I am sorry that you had to hear that Mr. Xûr. Where was I? Yes, so here you see the list of items that we are selling to the tower. Some of these items are really popular, so be sure to take the whole stock we prepare for you to the tower every weekend. You will be paid in these… strange… coins… Actually I don’t know what this is but The Nine are hoarding it like crazy, so I don’t ask questions about it. Just bring every last coin you earn back to us and we will pay you your bonus. Do you have any questions?” Xûr: “Good bye.” Bob: “I guess not then. I wish you a great first day tomorrow, and don’t worry about that rocket launcher, just sell it that one time, it is going to be fine. Don’t let the guardians hate get to you. We will discuss your experience when you come back!” Xûr: “I hope to be here again.” Bob: “He left. Man, what a nutjob. Can this guy make any sense? Did you understand a word he was saying? And did you see his face? Has he ever tried a peeling or something? I swear, why do we always get the weird type. Have you been up to the top floor? Everybody is crazy up there! What will the guardians think we are doing here when they talk to this guy? … Well at least I think he will get the job done… After we lost Mike I thought our business was done for…But he was also not quite right in the mind. He kept yelling: “Stranger, stranger, now that’s a weapon.”, when he sold something to a guardian. Freaked everybody out with the way he opened his coat… Anyway, thank you Cindy, I think we are done here. And uh... if anybody asks why we hired THAT guy... Just say you don’t have time to explain why you don’t have time to explain. That will do.” [spoiler]Thanks to all the nice comments and likes, this thread is trending! Thank you for giving this a chance! Also, yes it looks like I am spamming but I am trying to thank everybody who cared enough to leave a comment personally, so please bear with me haha.[/spoiler] So I decided to take some advice and continue writing! I fear, however, that I can not always be funny so I decided to go with a more serious topic this time. So if you are looking for comedy, you will be disappointed. I guess the next one is more for people who like to read fan fiction, I think it is quite long (around 8 pages in word). But everybody who likes to read this kind of stuff, I would be happy for positive and negative feedback! [url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/114378752]GHOST RECORDING - STARTING PLAYBACK (Part 1)[/url]