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3/26/2015 11:59:17 PM
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Shitty fanfictions thread

Post shitty fanfics. [spoiler]Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Harry Potter who lived under the stairs in a house on Privet Drive with his aunt and uncle. He was a good, obedient boy who did all his chores; but he felt that there was something missing in his life. Something big and special; but he could not quite name it. He stayed up every night; and wished for this special something; but then one day, there was a knock at his door-and everything changed. "Answer the door, Harry!" his Aunt Petunia, a career woman, barked from her armchair where she sat with her feet up. She had short, curly blonde hair and never wore any makeup. Uncle Vernon nodded sheepishly from the kitchen; and put a tray of moist, chocolatey brownies in the oven. Shouldn't you be doing that? Harry thought; but he was a very obedient young boy, so he answered the door right away. He turned the brass, metal doorknob; and pulled open the heavy, wooden door. On the porch was standing a huge, muscular man with a big, manly beard; and he was dressed in a plaid, red shirt, blue jeans, and sturdy, leather boots. His chest was covered in a thick, unruly carpet of coarse, brown hair. He wore a necklace that looked to Harry like a lowercase T. Just looking at Harry feel happy, peaceful somehow; but he couldn't say why! "Good morning, kiddo," the man greeted amiably; and smiled at Harry. He had the peaceful, friendly sort of face you just knew you could trust. "My name is Hagrid. Could I speak to your mommy and daddy?" "I don't have a mommy or daddy," Harry replied sadly; and looked at his raggedy, old shoes that were blue. Perhaps that was why he felt so lonely, he thought, not for the first time. Maybe that was what he was missing-a mommy and daddy. But no, that was not quite right. "I am so sorry to hear that!" Hagrid uttered empathetically. "You can speak with my auntie and uncle," Harry retorted politely; and blinked his big, blue, childlike eyes. "What do you want?" Aunt Petunia peered out the door with her narrow, suspicious eyes; and she was wearing a baggy, unflattering pantsuit. "Hello, neighbor! I was wondering if you have been saved," Hagrid exclaimed brightly; and tipped his wide-brimmed, straw cowboy hat. Aunt Petunia laughed a gravelly laugh; and leaned forward on her sturdy, practical boots. "Saved? Don't tell me you are you one of those Christians?" Harry did not know what that word meant; but Hagrid's smile was the most peaceful smile he had ever seen. It made Harry feel warm and happy inside just seeing the glowing, radiant grin on the kind, friendly stranger's face. He wondered why Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon did not smile like that... "Yes, I am," Hagrid replied kindly. "Are you?" Aunt Petunia laughed again; and stuck her pointy, sharp nose up in the air. "We are too smart for that. Haven't you read Dawkins? God is dead! Dawkins proved that. Would you like us to educate you on the Dawkins?" "What is a Christian?" Harry queried innocently; and scuffed his shoe on the shaggy, yellow carpet which had not been vacuumed in quite some time. "Christians are people who want to be good," Hagrid explained wisely; and crouched down so he was on eye level with Harry. "We want to go to heaven after we die. Do you know what heaven is, Harry?" Harry shook his head; and his big eyes were wide and curious. "Heaven is a beautiful place where we can be with God." Aunt Petunia smacked her hands over Harry's young ears; and her voice was sickly sweet when she said, "Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays. Haven't you heard of Evolution? I have a very good textbook on Evolution that I could give you on it if you would like to learn things." Hagrid laughed wisely. "Evolution is a fairytale. You don't really believe that, do you?" "Yes, I do!" Aunt Petunia screeched. "Well then prove it!" Aunt Petunia could only stare at him; and her big mouth hung open dumbly. Here she thought she was so educated; and always demanded that Christians prove what they believed in; but she couldn't even prove her own religion. It was then that Harry knew who the smart one here was! "Tell me how to get to this heaven place!" Harry cried wistfully, clasping his hands together. Sometimes, the wisdom of little ones is really amazing. We think we grownups know it all; but then God speaks through the mouths of little ones; and shows us how we are all mortals struggling along the path of life. Humility. "All you have to do is be saved. Do you want to be saved?" "I do, I do!" Harry squealed, jumping up and down. "Then pray the sinner's prayer!" Aunt Petunia tried to stop him; but she was powerless against Harry's pure, innocent, holy energy. Soon, Harry had said the prayer. Hagrid beamed happily. "You're a Christian now, Harry!" Hagrid cried proudly. Harry smiled but then interrogated, "But how do I be a Christian? I don't know how!" Hagrid grinned widely. "There is only one place to learn that-Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles!" [/spoiler]

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  • [spoiler]Late Night Games Chapter 1: Lemon Spongebob and Squidward were bored. They were forced to work there, again, for 24 hours. Spongebob was mopping the green wooden floors, while Squidward was reading a purple book, with a secret magazine hidden behind the book. Squidward was horny, with his squid penis hard. He was rubbing himself, but he was not staring at the pages. He was staring at Spongebob. For about two months now, he and Spongebob have been in a relationship. They've kissed, and dry humped, but not sex. Yet. Squidward wanted to, so bad. He felt like he was pressuring Spongebob to do it, but he had no problem. Spongebob turned around, and showed his square butt. Squidward felt a throb. He was about to cum. Panting, he lifted himself up, and watched Spongebob. He said, "Hey, Spongebob?" Spongebob turned, smiling. "Yes?" "Um, I want to do something with you. Is that okay?" Squidward asked. Spongebob's face went all confused. "Like what?" "That..."sex" thing we have been talking about." "Sex? Oh, yeah." "So?" "So what?" "Did you want...to...try it?" "What? Here?" "Sure." "I don't know..." Spongebob looked at the floor. Squidward walked over to the sponge and draped an arm over his shoulders. He smiled. "Why don't we try it?" He suggested, slipping a tentacle down south, under Spongebob's pants and grabbing his limp dick. He rubbed it to life. Spongebob moaned. Squidward continued to rub and grab at Spongebob's balls and get him hot. It did make him hot, and Spongebob saw Squidward's erection for the first time for that night. He kneeled down and took the light blue cock in his mouth. Spongebob sucked and licked and rubbed while he worked at his own hard on. Spongebob was more hot, though, as he felt his dick heat up with his seed. He moaned and went faster. He then took it deeper in his mouth and deep throated. Spongebob conjured up more saliva and sucked faster. Squidward moaned and held the back of Spongebob's head. His own ejaculate rose back up into the main tube. He was gonna cum. Squidward held on for his life. It was gonna be a big one! Even bigger than when he and Spongebob dry humped and rubbed each other's dicks. Squidward scrunched up his face and gritted his teeth. His face was becoming beet red. "Ohh...h-here it...c-comes!" He moaned. Spongebob went slower, and still suckled. He moaned himself, apparently at his own limit. He went at a slow pace and then pulled the dick out. He took it with one yellow hand and rubbed, nice and slow. This made Squidward groan and made his body heat up another five or ten degrees. He rolled his eyes back as a final stroke set him off. Hot squid spunk shot up into the air, and landed on the yellow recipiant's face, on his tongue, in his holes, on his hands, and even on that nose of his. Spongebob was set off, and he ejaculated all over Squidward's legs, and on the once clean floor. He gasped for breath, while panting Squidward's name, excitidly. When it was over, Squidward scooped Spongebob up and laid him on a table, belly side on the table. He took Spongebob's pants fully off and they hung around Spongebob's ankles. Squidward panted as he got himself hard again, which took a couple of minutes because of the refractory period, and positioned himself at Spongebob's spongy asshole. "Ready?" Squidward asked. "Y-yeah." Spongebob agreed. Squidward slipped inside of Spongebob, causing a yelp, as his asshole was stretched. Spongebob whined a little, and Squidward stopped. He asked, "Am I hurting you?". Spongebob gasped for breath, and nodded, slightly. "Kind of. Take it slow, okay?" Spongebob asked. "Of course." Squidward laid tiny kisses on the sponge's back as he slipped further inside. It still hurt, but the pain was soon taken over by pleasure. Squidward began a steady rythem, inside and out, inside and out. Spongebob moaned with pleasure, and raked the table with his fingernails. He shut his eyes and arched his back. Spongebob being thrust in and out like that, moving, made his own dick hard again. Spongebob panted out, at one point, "S-Squidward, rub me, please?" Squidward reached around and rubbed Spongebob while keeping his own rythem still. Squidward was increasing his thrusts, and his pants. He was getting close again. Spongebob felt his dick throb as the pleasure became unbearable once again. Spongebob let out a moan and arched his own non-exsistant spine. He opened his eyes, and they rolled back at the lights above them. "This is so wrong...but it feels so good!" spongebob thought. Squidward bucked and thrust faster, while he felt his build up begin to rise. He wanted to cum, right inside the sponge. He smiled at the thought, and held onto Spongebob with one tentacle, and two others rubbing his dick. Spongebob's dick throbbed again and shot his load all over the table. Spongebob moaned, "Squidward!" while that set Squidward off, and he cummed inside Spongebob's asshole, filling it with seething hot squid seed. He groaned out a "Spongebob!" while he came, and then pulled out. Seed dribbled down Spongebob's leg, and made a mess in his shorts. Spongebob slipped to his knees, panting and moaning. He still held onto the table. 'Wow..." Spongebob thought. Squidward cleaned himself up, and helped Spongebob clean up. They went back to work, with Spongebob cleaning up seed and Squidward in his thoughts, thinking: "I lost my virginity...to that once annoying as hell neighbor of mine...now my life is perfect..." [/spoiler]

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