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Surf a Flood of random discussion.
3/26/2015 4:04:43 PM
73

What if pigs could actually fly? (Best story wins)

[spoiler]Whoever can come up with the best idea of what would happen wins, pretty simple[/spoiler]

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  • Ok, so let me tell you a story about my cousins. Well first of all, I should mention that they grew up on a farm where they had, you guessed it, pigs. Now my cousins were always a bit nuts. I mean they did crazy shit. For example, they would shoot each other with bb guns and set their sister's Barbie dolls on fire. Every time I went to visit, it was not unusual to see the driveway littered with disembodied Barbie limbs. Anywho, my cousins were also into aerospace engineering. They would build these crazy rockets which they would use to launch various objects into the sky. It pissed my uncle off when he kept running over these objects with the lawn mower. Well, one year, while I was visiting, they decided to do something extra crazy. You see, my uncle is not only a farmer, but he also welds a lot, which means he has a lot of oxygen tanks. My cousins, being the crazy geniuses that they were, thought it would be a fantastic idea to create rockets out of these tanks. So they, using very large hose clamps and adhesive, attached a come and fins to the tank and welded a makeshift launch rail. Now, let me give you an idea of how much pressure is in an oxygen tank. If you were to knock one over and break off the valve, it would fly around. I remember my dad telling me about how one broke loose at the company he worked for and thrust itself two feet deep into a concrete wall. That's a shitload of force. My cousins, obviously underestimated the thrust it would have. They used a huge sledgehammer to break the valve off and the tank immediately spat into the air and fizzled around. Now, there were some pigs nearby and the oxygen tank ended up doing a u-turn and headed right for them. The cone on the rocket impaled one of the pigs, creating a gutwrenching squelching noise. The pig of course squealed in agony as the rocket pinned it against the ground, before flipping over and carrying the pig into the air. It spiraled around the air as it headed into the sky, creating a pirouette of blood. Imagine filling a water balloon but not tying the end, and you throw it into the air. It spins around throwing water everywhere. That's kind of like the macabre scene. Well, the oxygen tank carried the pig over the tree line and out of sight. Now let me tell you that I was horrified. But my cousins thought it was hilarious, so of course they decided to do it again. Only this time they added a spike at the end of the cone and they purposefully aimed it at the pigs. They even went out of their way to draw little targets on the pigs. 10 points for the gut, 20 points for the rear, and 50 points for the head. They launched tank after tank at the pigs, laughing their asses off as the poor animals squealed into the air and out of sight. Now, we found out later that the neighbors were having a family reunion at their house. This meant there were dining tents set up as well as games for the children in the yard. This reunion was of course brought to an end when it was bombarded with pig missiles, that seemingly dropped out of the sky. Fortunately, nobody was physically hurt, but the children who had a disembodied pig head fall in the middle of their game of 4-square were traumatized for life. My cousins went to jail for several months and my uncle's business took a hit. But my uncle is resourceful. He used the reputation to his advantage, since his sons were the talk of the town. He changed the name of his farm to "Pigs can fly ranch" and even had a sign painted, showing pigs happily flying away on rockets. Oddly enough, this did wonders to improve his business.

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    18 Replies
    • Bump for later. I [i]will[/i] write a story. Be prepared.

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    • Necro bump

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    • Necro

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    • Hunting would be hard as hell

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    • It will fly when chuck Norris says it can.

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    • >Be me >Read number of replies >117 >This thread... Is holy..... >Makes this reply >Now it's 118 >In yo face heh

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    • They would team up with the flying monkeys and take over the world, putting a flag with a banana on it all over flag poles in America

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    • Edited by NERDY_GURU: 3/26/2015 5:02:12 PM
      I remember when bacon was easy to get. you would fry it in a pan and its smell would permeate throughout the house with the crackling sound ringing in your ears. Then some scientists decided what if pigs could fly, and begin to gene splice pig DNA with birds and reptiles to give them wings. They did not know the pigs would mutate, from small adorable puppy sized flying pork chops to pig dragons the Size of airplanes. With tusks and hard scales, making them the most dangerous and hardest to kill. Due to gene splicing they reproduced like hornets, creating massive nests centered around the queen pig-dragon. In 10 short years humans became a minority of the planet earth. However not all humans wanted these beasts to rule the skies. Thus hive raiders were born. People who hunt the foul swine, while riding the waves of the sky. I am one of these raiders. My name is Keola and this is my tale...

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      4 Replies
      • Piles of shit everywhere. [b][i][u]EVERYWHERE!!![/u][/i][/b]

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      • ..

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        1 Reply
        • Bump

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        • It's raining bacon, hallelujah!

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        • I would fly on a pigs back.

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        • If pigs could fly, that means bacon would make us fly.

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        • Bacon wouldn't be as common

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        • Inb4Bel-Air.

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        • Bunp

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        • Bump

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        • Police have helicopters[spoiler] fgt[/spoiler]

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          2 Replies
          • Pigs are now called Dragons.

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          • 1
            If they had wings, i wonder where there migratory habits would take them during inclement weather. Could cause problems.

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          • Edited by SPIDRBITE: 3/28/2015 12:21:55 PM
            A day before his 15th birthday, the son of a wealthy family was asked by his father, "Well my son, what would you like for your birthday?" The son hesitated a moment and his father's thoughts leapt ahead to a new computer and similar things. However, his son had had a new computer only recently and could have a new one any time he wished. Finally, the son said, "Father, I have everything a boy could wish for, but there is one thing I would really like. I would love to have a pink ping pong ball." The father was rather astonished at this wish, but said, "If it is a pink ping pong ball that you want, a pink ping pong ball you shall have." And so, the next day, the son was given as his birthday present a pink ping pong ball. The boy took the ball to his room and the next morning the pink ping pong ball was gone. The father was mildly surprised but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong ball, however, was never seen again. The next year, a day before his 16th birthday, the father asked his son what he would like for his birthday. "Father," replied the son, "I have everything a boy could possibly wish for, but there is one thing I would really, really like. I would love to have a tenpack of pink ping pong balls." The father was more surprised than the year before, but kept his curiosity at bay, for he knew that his son had a right for privacy. he said therefore, "If it is a tenpack of pink ping pong balls that you want, a tenpack of pink ping pong balls you shall have." And so, the next day, the son was given as his birthday present a tenpack of pink ping pong balls. The boy took the tenpack of balls to his room and the next morning, not a single ball remained, merely the empty husk of the tenpack. The father wondered where ten pink ping pong balls might disappear to, but decided not to say anything. The pink ping pong balls, however, were never seen again. The next year, a day before his 17th birthday, the son was asked by his father what he would like for his birthday. "Father," said the son to this, "I have everything a boy could wish for, but one thing would make my happiness complete. I would dearly want a carton of pink ping pong balls." The father was beyond surprise, but decided to make sure he had not misheard. "A carton of pink ping pong balls?" "A carton of pink ping pong balls," the boy confirmed. "I can't understand your fascination with pink ping pong balls," said the father, "but if it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you want, it is a carton of pink ping pong balls that you shall have." And so, the next day, the boy was given as his birthday present a carton of pink ping pong balls. The boy was delighted and took the carton to his room. The next day, miraculously (as if by magic, even) the pink ping pong balls had all disappeared. "Dear son," said the father, "I must ask now, what do you do with all those pink ping pong balls?" The son, however, was reluctant to tell him. "Please humor me, dear father." The carton of pink ping pong balls, however, was never seen again. The next year, it was clear that the son would get a car, but the father felt that, perhaps, his son also had some other wish apart from the obvious. So, one day before the son's 18th birthday, the father asked him whether he had a special wish for his birthday. "Dearest father," the son started, "I have everything a young man could possibly want, but there is one craving in me. I would, more than anything, want a warehouse full of pink ping pong balls." One of these years, his father thought, I should get to the bottom of this. However, he decided to humor his son's wish. At least he had been wise enough to buy shares in a pink ping pong ball factory. The next day, the son was given the address of a warehouse where all his new pink ping pong balls were stored. The son was delighted and decided to spend the next night in the warehouse rather than at home. The following morning, the son stepped out of the warehouse, but it seemed to be empty otherwise. The father had a closer look and indeed, apart from empty cardboard boxes, nothing was left inside the warehouse. No pink ping pong balls were left. The following year, one day before the son's 19th birthday, the father braced himself for another warehouse of pink ping pong balls. He asked his son what his deepest desire was and he had not been entirely wrong. "Father, you have made me very happy these last years and this year I ask of you a shipload of pink ping pong balls if at all possible." It was possible, if only because the father had by now bought each and every factory of pink ping pong balls in the country. The next day, the father took his son to the harbor and showed him a huge tanker and told his son that there were millions, billions, trillions of pink ping pong balls in there. "Father," the son said, "You've made me very happy yet again." That night, the son spent on board the tanker. The next morning, not a single of the pink ping pong balls could be found, but the son was happy. A few days before his 20th birthday, however, the son had a terrible road accident and was taken to the hospital. His father visited the young man in hospital. "My dear son! Can I bring you anything to make you feel better?" Weakly, the son sat up in bed. "Father, dearest father, grant me this wish; just one tenpack of pink ping pong balls." The father held his son's hand tightly. "Whatever you wish my son, but I have to give you one condition. Even if it may be embarrassing, I must know what you did with all those pink ping pong balls." "Very well, father, but please indulge me first. I will tell you whatever you wish to know after you have given me the ten pink ping pong balls." The father thought that was fair enough and the next day brought his son the ten asked for pink ping pong balls. The son smiled weakly but seemed too weak to talk. "Son, I leave these pink ping pong balls with you and shall come back tomorrow to ask of you what you have done with all those pink ping pong balls." The son nodded weakly. The next day, less than surprisingly, no pink ping pong balls could be found in the son's hospital room. "Now, my dearest son, apple of my eye, treasure of my life, please tell me what you did with all those pink ping pong balls," the father requested. The son nodded and the father gripped his hand tighter. "I-" the son started and sat up a bit, swallowing with a dry mouth. "I- I-" Then he died.

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            1 Reply
            • Then we have flying bacon, then when you kill the pig and it starts falling, bacon will start falling from the sky. [spoiler]The bullet that was used is super hot, and when it hits the pig, it will cook the meat instantly, and it is so powerful that it blows chunks off. [/spoiler]

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            • Bye bye bacon. :(

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            • You thought pigeon poop was bad?

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