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Edited by Eigerphant:
8/10/2015 4:58:02 PM
1399
Let's hear your best joke
Comment with your best joke!
Edit: Can't believe the amount of jokes there are - it's brilliant, keep them coming
Edit: Jesus that's a lot of jokes
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What do you call a deer with no eyes? [spoiler]no eye deer[/spoiler] What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? [spoiler]still no eye deer[/spoiler]
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1 Replymy name is jeff
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4 Replies2 olives are sitting at the bar. One olive falls of it's barstool, the other olive looks down at the fallen one and says, "are u okay?" The olive replies, "olive".
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5 RepliesI would tell you a destiny joke but I phogoth it
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1 ReplyYo mama is like a Christmas tree..... EVERYBODY HANGS BALLS ON HER
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6 RepliesWhat did one testicle, say to the other testicle? [spoiler]hey, who's this dick in the middle?[/spoiler]
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You wanna know why you shouldn't iron a four leaf clover? [spoiler]Because you don't want to press your luck.[/spoiler] Why shouldn't you buy velcro? [spoiler]Because it's a rip-off[/spoiler] What did the mountain climber name his son? [spoiler]Cliff[/spoiler]
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I named my computer Juan so it could jump firewalls
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2 RepliesWhat rhymes with snoop dogg? [spoiler]dr. Dre[/spoiler]
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2 RepliesPenis
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Edited by FourDoughnut: 3/8/2015 8:06:44 PMA contractor gets called to a job. At a burlesque house. The woman in charge says "I would like a partition between these two rooms" The contractor says "ok not a problem" and begins to work. "My what a wonderful job you've done!" The woman says to him when he's finished. "Thank you ma'am, all in a days work, that'll be $500." To which she replies "that's far too much, perhaps I could offer you $200 and one of my girls for the night, free of charge?" The contractor says "sorry ma'am, flat rate. $500 or I remove the partition." "Ok, ok" she says "$250, and you can have my 2 best girls for as long as you can handle" "Sorry ma'am, $500 or I remove the partition." He said sternly. "Fine, fine, fine." She began. "$400, and you may have ME for as long as you wish, however you wish." He paused for a moment.... "....ok" he said "$400, and I'll take you now." [spoiler]Upstairs they proceeded, into an open room. They became undressed and he began to excite her, he started to rub her... Down there. When he had his finger and his thumb in her pockets he began to pinch, harder. And harder. She screamed "Oww!! Stop that it hurts!" He replied...[/spoiler] [spoiler]"$500.... Or I remove the partition".[/spoiler]
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What did the leper say to the prostitute? [spoiler]keep the tip.[/spoiler]
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From daniel tosh. Making McDonald's post nutrional facts on their menus is like making a hooker get how many stds she has tattoo'd on her pu$$y. If you're close enough to read em you've already made that bad decision.
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1 ReplyWhat's worst then 10 dead babies in a trash can? [spoiler]1 dead baby in 10 trash cans[/spoiler]
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So, a guy walks into a bar.... I forget the rest but the punchline is, your moms a whore
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Bungie.net
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It's actually a pick up line and it works 50% of the time Ask is she has flood insurance then say cuz I'm going to make you wet *based on past experiences* Me: "hi my name is brian" Girl: *Says name* Me: "do you have flood insurance?" Girl: *looks surprised & confused* Me: "because I'm going to make you wet" Girl: *Stunned* Me: * haven't been slaped yet, knows she wants the D* Girl: knods head in direction of bathroom while keeping intense eye contact Me: *gets a semi in the 5"- 6" range* Girl: *grabes my arm and pulls me to girls bathroom* Me: *semi is now a full hard on in the 6" - 7.5" range* Girl: *roughy pushes and pines me against wall* Me: sarcastically says "yeah ok" Girl: *laughs as i become the dominant one" Me: *pins her down and takes her jeens of reviling she has on no underware* Girl: *quickly takes off my belt reviling my bulge, pauses for a second to look at me* Me: *gives girl a smirk* Girl: "I like it rough" Me: "good"
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Destiny
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Your mom.
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2 RepliesWomen's rights
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Why do German showers have 11 holes? [spoiler]because Jews only have ten fingers[/spoiler]
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How do hipsters talk about shoes? They Converse!
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1 ReplyYour birth
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Me- How does every racist joke start? Others- I don't know how? Me- *looks around the room making sure we are all clear*
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Why does the christian throw away a tv with a stain on it? Because the devil is in the details
