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12/22/2020 4:19:26 PM
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celacovsci
celacovsci

Molon Labe Domari Nolo 4/15/2024 10:00:55 PM

Blossom: Chapter 3

[b]Chapter 3: Fratricide[/b] [i]The breeze was cold; the ground covered in frost. The Winter season was worse than usual and it had lasted longer than it was supposed to. Nova traversed through the wasteland with her camp being a few miles away. The war had a bad effect on the ecosystem and few survived the immense radiation. The fog felt like it was only getting thicker. A voice spoke out; the location unknown. "Embrace it. The Kings' decree is eternal." The voice said. She recognized that voice, it was the King. Had he followed her into the wasteland? Had he poisoned her? "Show yourself, coward. I challenge you by my hand in battle, victory or death!" Nova challenged. All was silent, and the source of the voice revealed itself. It was the King. "I accept your challenge, you shall fall like the rest of them. Your bravery will be your undoing." The King taunted. The pair stood across from one another, both drawing their weapons. "Light vs Dark, the Light shall prosper!" Nova uttered a war cry. She charged towards the King, and cut his arm. The King recoiled, and then aimed his rifle. He fired a shot, but missed. He had 1 shot left. Nova's swords glowed white as she charged them with ontological power. "I am the end of your evolution, you face judgement by the spawns' hand." Nova said as she charged towards the King. A gunshot rang out. It struck Nova in the chest; sending her to the ground. She stuck her swords in the ground, absorbing the energy from them. She started fading away. "I have shown you judgement, so called queen." The King said. He grabbed her heart and crushed it in his hand. The power surged through his body. "I have done it! I have ended your reign! I am... powerful. Immortal. Invincible! I am Scourge, The Invincible!" The King shouted in triumph.[/i] [spoiler]I'll post a chapter each day ^•^[/spoiler]

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  • [spoiler]If the location isn’t too important too the story, you can usually get away with not describing it too much. I personally like to give a little more detail of the surroundings, might be worth considering! The fight felt a little clunky, although it was short and that’s a valid method. Describing how Nova swings, the fighter’s stances and how exactly she notices the King has 1 shot left(maybe she sees him draw back the bolt and sees the 1 round remaining?) can all help the reader immerse themselves in your world! Tiny thing: when Nova falls to the ground, and stabs into the ground, could probably find a synonym for ground so you don’t repeat it All in all I’m interested, and I look forward to how Nova will get out of this one! [/spoiler]

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