For as long as I could remember, my favorite past time was collecting loot crates. The thrill of uncovering the mysterious contents within always brought joy to my day. Every time I got a new loot crate, I thanked the heavenly father himself, Ult My Good Flibbert for blessing me with yet another mystery box. My own my good flibberts simply could not understand this "fixation", and just assumed that I would outgrow it. Years past and suddenly I was seventeen years of age. On the eve of my eighteenth birthday, I sat down for dinner with my good flibberts and asked both my good flibberts for seven loot crates autographed by Ult My Good Flibbert himself. "My good flibbert, what the hell is wrong with you?" Asked my good flibbert. My good flibbert was looking at me incredulously. She honestly thinks I'm too old for loot crates. "My good flibbert, you are going to be eighteen tomorrow, you need to stop collecting loot crates." I turn to look at my good flibbert. "You just don't understand! Ult My Good Flibbert-" "Is a weeb on a internet forum! You need to stop obsessing over him!" I gasp and rise to my feet in a stupified horror. He dare insult Ult My Good Flibbert!? FOR SHAME!!!!! My good flibbert looked at his watch. "Shit, I'm late for work. I got the night shift again." Said my good flibbert. He quickly rose to his feet and made his way to the door. I darted around the dinner table and got in front of him. "Please my good flibbert," I begged, with tears streaming down my face "You have to get me those loot crates for my brithday! I can't live without them!" "You're going to get what you get, and YOU are going to be effing grateful!" Snarled my good flibbert while prodding a finger in my chest. "Go to your room now!" I run to my room sobbing and slam the door behind me. Outside my window I hear my good flibbert yelling with someone outside. I look outside and...I don't believe it! It's Ult My Good Flibbert! My good flibbert is running to the car and jumps outside, and Ult My Good Flibbert storms after him, clearly enraged. My good flibbert pulls out the driveway and attempts to speed away but Ult My Good Flibbert grabs the rear bumper with his powerful ultimate loot crate opening hands and effortlessly holds the car in place. I watch in awe as Ult My Good Flibbert pulls out a Power Rangers themed loot crate with one hand and rams it up the car's exhaust pipe. The car explodes in a mighty fireball. My good flibbert is blown in half and what's left of him splats onto the front yard. Ult My Good Flibbert approaches him and picks him up. "You're not included in the DLC," Ult My Good Flibbert whispers. My good flibbert passes out from blood loss. I open the front door and run towards my good weeping tears of joy. Ult My Good Flibbert grabs me and pulls me into a comforting hug. We take a seat on the doorstep and stay there for hours talking about wholesome values, life, and (of course) loot crates. We laugh as my good flibbert tended to by EMTs and watch the fire department put out the fire that engulfed his car. I turn towards Ult My Good Flibbert. "Ult My Good Flibbert, can I have a bunch of autographed loot crates for my birthday?" Ult My Good Flibbert laughs. "Sure thing my good flibbert. I have a feeling that your good flibbert is going to get a whole truckload of loot crates for you when he's discharged from the hospital." My god then carried me to bed and tucked me in. The next morning I wake up to find a bunch of comic book themed loot crates under my pillow, all autographed by Ult My Good Flibbert! When my good flibbert finally came home from the hospital, he ordered dozens of loot crates for me on Amazon. Years and years pass and to this day my good flibbert still has trouble looking me in the eye. Life is good. Ult My Good Flibbert is love, Ult My Good Flibbert is life. [spoiler]I won't work on another Ult My Good Flibbert fanfic for a while, I'm still struggling with writer's block.[/spoiler] [spoiler]HAIL HYDRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/spoiler]